The desire to make others happy is a strong trait among young people. During our younger years, we often find it hard to resist fitting in with people we admire. We also don’t mind changing our personalities just to appear more cool in front of others. However, eventually, this craving for acceptance turned into a people pleaser.
What would you do to please others if it meant making them happy? Does this youthful desire to please others still exist in you?
Who is a people pleaser?
People who are known as people pleasers are individuals who prioritize pleasing others. Their primary goal is to be appreciated and liked by the people they strive to please.
People who are good at pleasing others are not bad people. Although they are not cheaters, people who are good at pleasing people are capable of going to any lengths to win their affection or love. This can include subtly manipulating or arm-twisting another individual.
Everyone has a tendency to want to please others. Almost everyone tries to please others in an effort to be perceived as a nice person or get a favor in return.
For most people, the line is somewhere between wanting to please and being too nice. An overly eager people pleaser doesn’t have any principles regarding the limits of their desire to satisfy others.
What makes someone a people pleaser?
Is it innate in one’s nature or does it have a learning component? A lot of the people who become too eager to please others are likely influenced by their parents. They grew up wanting to make others happy.
On the other hand, they may have experienced abusive parents, which would have prevented them from gaining the approval of either their mother or father as a child. As a result, they tend to do favors to people in order to get the approval of their parents.
This behavior is misdirected, as it is not always directed at their parents. Most of the time, people do not realize that they are doing this, as they always feel obligated to please others.
One of the main reasons why people tend to become people pleasers is due to their lack of self-worth. They are always looking for love outside of themselves.
People pleasers are individuals who are constantly looking for ways to get others to like them. They will do anything in order to get what they want. Some of these individuals sacrifice their own desires and needs in order to please others.
The kinds of people pleasers
There are two kinds of people pleasers. The first kind of people pleaser is someone who goes out of their way to help others. They believe that it is their moral obligation to do so, and they are petrified of offending others.
The other kind of person pleaser is one who constantly compliments others in an attempt to get the same treatment from their friends.
Both kinds of people pleasers have a similar underlying reason. It is low self-esteem.
People pleasers need other people in their lives due to how scared they are of being alone. They will do anything in order to please others, and they need attention.
Is people pleasing really bad?
We all have desires and intentions to please others. Sometimes, we merely want to be nice to somebody we want to impress.
There is a thin line between people who intentionally do something to please others and those who do it regularly.
If your people pleasing behavior crosses this line, then all of your friends will either take you for granted, or they will start avoiding you.
People pleasers are prone to changing in character because they have no principles. They can become completely different people depending on who they spend most of their time with.
If you are a people pleaser, then you are probably experiencing issues with principles. Because of how much you want to please others, you are losing sight of your principles.
One day, you will realize that you have no idea what you want in life. You are constantly changing because you are trying to fit in.
The subtle signs you’re an overeager people pleaser
Before you start thinking about the signs that indicate that you are an overeager peopl pleaser, ask yourself if you could relate to them. Although you may think that you are not a people pleaser, try to look deeper into yourself. Denial is a terrible thing to experience.
There are many signs that indicate that an individual is a people pleaser. If you identify with these traits, then you are likely one.
1. You crave for compliments
Occasionally, you will compliment people while you are around colleagues or friends in the hopes that they will give you a compliment. While everyone appreciates receiving one, some individuals find it difficult to compliment themselves.
2. You want to be noticed
If no one notices your new shirt or haircut, you might get annoyed. If no one compliments your dress, you assume that it doesn’t look good on you even if you like it.
3. You lie about your opinions
You don’t have a personality, and you only like certain things because it lets you fit in with your friends. Your preferences and likes will change depending on the people around you.
4. You can never say no
You don’t like to offend people because you’re afraid that they might think negatively of you if you don’t help them with their request. Because of this, you tend to overextend yourself by repeatedly saying “yes.”
A friend may ask you to help with their move, even though you have other plans for the evening. You would only do so because you lack the ability to say no.
5. You don’t care about your loved ones
You’re very focused on pleasing your new colleagues or friends, as you want them to consider you highly.
At the same time, you tend to take the people who truly love you for granted. They will never leave you without their support no matter how you treat them or behave around them.
6. You’re active around new friends
You either avoid giving input or shirk responsibility when you’re with people who are well-versed in your field. You’re likely working hard to please new friends, but you get lazy when doing so involves just yourself or somebody you already like.
Although you may think that you’re not doing anything to impress your new friends, your loved ones will still feel that you are taking their love for them for granted. You may also be doing this because you’re genuinely nice to people who don’t care about you, even if they don’t like you.
7. You always have a smile
You are a people-pleaser, and you do not get upset with your colleagues or friends if they do something incredibly upsetting.
You don’t need to resort to violence to deal with your anger. Instead, you use implosive anger as a coping mechanism.
8. Being loved is top priority
You seek people who will like you no matter where you go. You also want to be greeted with warm affection when you meet new people.
You try to exhibit your best behavior when interacting with people you meet. You also hope that everyone you come across will remember you fondly.
9. The opinion of others mater too much
The opinions of others play a significant role in your own decision-making. You rely on what other people want.
You ask your friends to provide their opinions on certain topics, and you tend to give more consideration to what they have to say than what you believe in.
10. You like attention all the time
You’re afraid that you might lose friends, as you want everyone to like you. You can’t imagine being lonely or hated by other people.
11. People easily hurt your feelings
You can easily get hurt by your friends if they don’t want to involve you or if they go somewhere without you. Although you want to feel loved, you can’t stand it when people think that you are not important in their lives.
12. The big sacrifices
You derive pleasure from pleasing others, and this is why you often sacrifice your happiness for the sake of gaining their approval or receiving a compliment. You may not know what makes you cheerful, as you are perpetually fixated on pleasing others.
13. You can’t take criticism
People who are good to others will never accept that they are flawed, as this can make them lose confidence in themselves. This is why it is hard to hear criticism when it is aimed at them.
14. You’re a liar, even though you will never admit it
You refuse to reveal who you are or what your dislikes are even to yourself. Your values and beliefs change as long as they align with those of your new friends, who you are trying to impress.
You believe that the actions of your friends are correct despite your doubts.
15. You hate anyone who doesn’t like you or sees you as a fake
People pleasers do not attempt to reason with themselves as to why others may have a biased opinion of them. Instead, they merely hate or voice their displeasure whenever they see yourself negatively.
Your low self-esteem causes you to be defensive whenever other people have negative opinions about you.
16. You hate confrontation
You spend a lot of time arguing with a new friend, and you try to make up for it even if it’s not your fault. But, you wouldn’t do the same for the people who have already been given a pass.
17. You’re too guarded
You don’t want to lose control of yourself as you’re drinking alcohol. You may also have too many secrets, and your friends don’t know about them either. You hide yourself so that nobody will be able to identify your negative traits or flaws.
18. You give too much too soon
People tend to take you for granted sometimes. You try too hard to please new friends, and you do everything in your power to ensure that they have a favorable opinion of you. Unfortunately, your good nature may be exploited by these new friends.
19. You always fall for flattery
People pleasers are known to resort to flattery, and manipulative individuals know how to take advantage of it. Although genuine, they will still fall for any kind of flattery as it feeds their low self-worth.
A manipulator will learn how to use you whenever you come into contact with them. They will start asking you dry questions like “Can you do it for me?” or “You are so good at this.”
20. You don’t draw boundaries
There are many people in the world who would love to take advantage of you should you allow them to do so. They will try to push your limits until you say no.
If you refuse to say no, they will continue taking and you will continue giving. Because of this, people pleasers lack the necessary skills to communicate their desires to others. They will never utter the phrase “don’t cross this line,” or “you have gone too far.”
Your self-respect and your people pleasing attitude
Being a people pleaser can feel nice as it makes you feel loved and appreciated all the time. As long as you’re receiving compliments, you won’t mind bending over backwards for others.
Unfortunately, being a people pleaser can actually make you feel like a fake person. Instead of developing genuine relationships, you’re merely putting on a facade that others would like to see.
You must start believing in yourself and know that you are an individual. You do not need others’ approval to feel worthy. By loving yourself and believing in yourself, you’ll be able to stop seeking people’s approval.
You’ll begin to care more for those who truly care about you, instead of taking them lightly.
These are some signs that will let you know if you are a people pleaser or not. If you consistently rely on others’ opinions and compliments, then you must stop doing so.