We sympathize with you if you find yourself in a crush on a co-worker. It’s not easy to be in this situation. During lunchtime, you had a good chat with a colleague. Suddenly, you start feeling strange as they walk past you.
A little bit of admiration for one of your colleagues quickly turned into a crush. You can no longer eat, sleep, or concentrate on your work due to your crush on a colleague. It has caused you to constantly think about the person you’re interested in.
It can be hard to decide what to do when your crush on a colleague has gotten so intense. Fortunately, we have you covered with all the necessary information you need to make a new love connection, keep your job, or avoid embarrassing yourself.
Why do people develop crushes on their coworkers?
In the workplace, being in a crush on a colleague is considered a big no-no. According to some people, relationships in the office are just a distraction for both the partner and the other employees.
You would be hard-pressed not to develop a crush on someone at work. In fact, you would probably see them more often than your partner or family.
The longer you have these people around, the more likely it is that feelings will eventually develop for them.
How often does having a crush on a coworker happen?
Pick any random office and you’ll likely see at least one person there who has a crush on their colleague. It’s common for people to develop feelings for their colleagues as they spend a lot of time with them.
A survey conducted in 2018 revealed that about 36% of the respondents have dated a colleague. Based on this figure, you’re most likely either dating or acquainted with someone who has.
It means that these feelings are normal, and that you are not a bad person for developing such feelings for your coworkers.
You’re likely not the first one to experience feelings for your colleagues, and it will most likely continue to happen.
Are workplace crushes good or bad?
A crush on a colleague is not considered a bad thing. As we have already talked about, they’re normal.
However, in certain situations, it can be very hard to decide whether you should celebrate or dread the development of a crush on your colleague.
A crush in the workplace can have various factors that affect its development and whether it’s a good or bad thing.
There are pros and cons to having a crush on a colleague.
Pro – You get to see them all the time
It may sometimes feel like working 40 hours a week is a chore. But, having a crush on one of your colleagues can make it feel less so.
Pro- It’s an easy way to figure them out
You spend a lot of time with each other, which helps you get to know your coworkers better. If you’re in a bar, it can be hard to get to know attractive individuals.
In the office, it’s easier to find out about your crush and how compatible you are with each other.
Also, you’re likely privy to some common ground with your coworkers, allowing you to form a stronger connection with them.
Pro – Flirting 24/7
It’s also important to note that having a crush on a colleague is a key component of your identity. With all of that time that you have to spend with them, you have plenty of opportunities to expand your flirting repertoire.
If you’re one of those individuals who has a crush on someone, then you have to wait until after work to start flirting with them. However, now that you have all day to do so, you have a great chance to meet your crush.
Con – You have to see them all the time
The moment when one starts developing feelings for someone is special. butterflies will start to appear in one’s stomach as soon as they see them, and they will make one feel anxious as they talk to them.
A crush can turn into one of the worst experiences if it lasts for too long. You may feel sad because they don’t like you, are obsessed with what they’re doing, or are envious of how they’re interacting with other people.
Having to see your coworker every day can be very painful, especially when you’re trying to get over the feelings for them.
Con – There’s a lot on the line
Sometimes, a crush can lead to love. We never know which one will turn into lasting love, and which ones will fail to do so. What if the person next to you becomes your soulmate?
Should you risk your career to be with someone who just happens to be a passing fling?
Con – You have to hear about their love life
A crush can never be guaranteed to turn into love. Unfortunately, many of these end up being unsuccessful. If you are in a relationship with someone who has a crush on you, then you may have to share their love life with your colleagues.
How to deal with having a crush on a coworker
The important thing to remember is how you will act on it. Will you try and make a move on them or will you keep it a secret?
It’s exciting to be in an office relationship, or to just enjoy the fleeting excitement of a crush. Unfortunately, most of the time, office romances can have negative effects on your work environment.
Before you decide whether or not to pursue a crush, there are a lot of things that you need to do first.
1. Figure out why you have a crush on them
Before you start thinking about a potential crush, it’s important that you have a good reason for why you like them. If you’re just bored of your life, then it might be time to stop thinking about it.
Unless it’s absolutely necessary, it’s not worth putting your career, your friendship, or even your life at risk by flirting with someone at work.
2. Check the company policy
Some companies have strict rules about not allowing co-workers to date, while others are more lenient. Before you decide to go after a colleague you have a crush on, check the company’s policy.
It’s not great when the company rules conflict with your love life, but it’s not ideal when the meaningless crush derails your career.
3. If you choose to go against the rules, know the risks
Even though your company has a strict rule against workplace dating, you still want to do it. We don’t encourage this, but if this is the route that you want to take, then you have to consider carefully.
You should avoid hardcore flirting with co-workers, don’t ask them out at work, and don’t act all romantic at work if your crush develops into a relationship.
If your supervisor or another worker notices that you are in a romantic relationship, then you might be fired. You must be aware of the risks involved in your decision to pursue a romantic relationship.
4. If coworker relationships are allowed, be cool and respectful
Although it’s great that your workplace allows romantic relationships, it does not mean that you can behave the same way when you’re in private.
If you’re planning on having a romantic relationship with a co-worker, then make sure that you keep your hands off each other and avoid making inappropriate gestures.
If you’re being overly flirty or making out with a co-worker using the printer, then you’re likely to make everyone else in the office uncomfortable.
Flirting may be enhanced to a higher level after work.
5. Stop talking about it with coworkers
The gossip around the office quickly spreads, and if you’re talking about your crush on a colleague, then everyone else in the office will know about it.
This is fun for everyone as it provides entertainment as they wait for their day to end. This also means that your boss may be more likely to find out about your relationship with a colleague.
6. Take it outside
You should also consider going outside the office to talk with your crush, flirt with them, or ask them out on a date. While the workplace may be fun, it’s not the best place to explore your love life, so stay professional.
If you’re planning on telling one of your friends about your crush, make sure that it’s not a person who is currently working at the same office.
7. Know where you want this crush to go
If you’re wavering between making a move on your crush or not, you have to consider the risks involved. You may still find someone special within the confines of your workplace, but it is not guaranteed.
Before you start a relationship, it’s important that you consider the real value of the relationship. If you’re planning on putting your job at risk, then it’s important that you’re serious.
8. If they’re into it, go for it!
If you’re planning on asking them out on a date, then take the risk of doing so. Love can be unpredictable, and it always comes with risks.
The first date can be very awkward, and there will be some tension when you run into each other at the fountain.
9. If they’re not, bow out
If you’ve asked them out, but they have said no, then just move on. Even if they have said no, you should still be respectful.
Inconsiderate and inappropriate behavior, such as flirting or groveling for someone, is not acceptable in the workplace. It can be very distracting and highly unprofessional.
How to get over a crush at work
If you believe that your crush on this person will not go anywhere, then it’s time to move on. Unfortunately, this isn’t an easy feat.
If you’re not sure where to begin, then follow these steps to move on from your crush on a coworker.
1. Cut back on spending time with them outside of work
Although it’s fine to hang out with your coworkers, if you’re spending a lot of time with them, then it might be time to try hanging out with other people.
You should try to limit how much time you spend with them. You should only see them if there is a legitimate work-related reason for doing so.
2. Look at your own relationship with your partner *if you have one*
If there is something in your personal life that you are interested in, then it’s time to take a look at it.
If there are any issues in your relationship, then it’s time to take a look at it. If you’re just bored of work and want to have some fun, then that’s different.
3. Focus your attention on hobbies outside of work
When you leave work, there will be times when you will have to think about them. The things they said to you, their clothes, and who they spoke to will be something that you will remember about them for a long time.
If you have an evening filled with other activities, then you don’t have the time to reflect on the drama that you created inside your head. Enough distraction will allow you to forget about the crush you had in the first place.
4. Distract yourself
You should refrain from being fixated on your crush while you’re at work. Even if you don’t want to work more, you can still keep yourself occupied at the office and have less time to talk to them.
If you’re not feeling like working, then surf and check the web, but avoid their social media.
5. Set personal boundaries at work
Getting over someone who you see every day will be difficult. You have to set boundaries in order to avoid getting carried away.
If you’re having lunch with the person, then stop. If you are constantly chatting with them during coffee breaks, then try finding someone else to talk.
You may need to consider seeking for help, as it is a compulsive behavior.
6. Talk to your friends about it
Ideally, you should have friends outside of work. Although it’s perfectly fine to talk to someone at work, doing so could lead to problems down the line.
Your friends can provide you with an unbiased opinion on the state of your crush and your relationship with them. By doing so, you can decide whether to walk away or pursue it.
7. Give yourself some time
It will take some time to get over someone who you are currently crushing on. If you could just get over it, then things would not be as tumultuous as they are now.
It may take some time to completely get over someone who you are currently crushing on. This will be hard, as you will still have to work with them.
You should hold on to hope, as eventually, you will be able to walk past this individual without feeling any apprehension.
So, what do you do now?
It’s up to you what to do next after learning all you need to know about how to deal with a crush on a coworker.
Unless your workplace prohibits office romances, there is absolutely nobody involved in telling you what you should be doing.
There are so many scenarios that you could potentially face here, such as being rejected, dating someone else, or having your crush discovered by your coworkers. You may also find yourself in a legal battle with your boss over the issue.
What if your crush reciprocates and starts a long-term relationship with you?
There are so many possibilities that you should not be thinking about right now, as they are not worth the time and effort. One of the only ways to decide is to listen to yourself.
After all that has been learned about the subject, it is up to you whether or not you should pursue your crush on a colleague. You only have the power to make that decision for yourself.