Talking about sex can be an awkward moment in a relationship, especially when it’s new.
Sometimes, people in a new relationship might feel uncomfortable talking about sex because they’re afraid that they might be perceived negatively.
If you’re planning on discussing sex with your partner, but they’re embarrassed to talk about it, don’t worry.
Reasons to get your partner to open up about sex
Having strong sexual communication is known to improve the quality of a couple’s sex life. So if you’re having problems with your relationship’s sex life, it’s important that you talk to your partner about it.
Having open communication can also help strengthen a couple’s relationship by increasing emotional intimacy. Here are some situations when it’s important to talk to your partner about sex.
1. Changes in sex drive
As a relationship develops, people’s sexual preferences may change, especially when they’re older. It’s important to talk about this if you’re experiencing issues with your sex drive.
2. Trying something new in bed
One of the most important reasons to open up about sex is if you’re having a hard time finding new sexual experiences. Ask your partner what they’re comfortable with and if they’re willing to try new things.
3. Starting a family
If you’re planning on having children and are already thinking about starting a family, then it’s important to talk about this topic as well.
Even though the two of you may have the same goals, it’s crucial to reach an agreement before you can start moving forward.
4. Feeling rejected
Having been together for a long time, the possibility that one of the partners might not want to have sex increases with time.
If one of the partners refuses to have sex, it can create a feeling of rejection, which is a major issue that needs to be resolved in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
5. Sexual dysfunction
If one of the partners is having issues with their sex life, then it’s crucial that they talk about it. Although many people try to put their heads under the sand and pretend that it doesn’t exist, it’s still not an acceptable solution.
6. Talking about fantasies
Having sex can be fun to talk about with your partner, as everyone has sexual desires. Some people have fantasies that can easily be fulfilled, while others need to remain fantasies.
Maybe both of you have the same sexual desires, and talking about it can help you figure out a way to address them.
Tips to get your partner to open up and talk about sex
You can use these strategies to get your partner to open up about sex, even the prudish ones.
These are simple steps that will help you feel closer to your partner, and it will also help you improve your sex life.
1. Past experiences
Don’t talk about your past sexual experiences, particularly if your partner doesn’t remember how active or liberated you were before you embarked on a relationship.
Most partners avoid hearing their partner’s confession about their past sexual activity. After a while, slowly reveal a few details about your past to see how your partner will react.
If you’re hoping that your partner will open up about their sexual preferences, then try telling them that you’ve had partners of your own before. This will show them that you’re open to new experiences.
2. Avoid the serious talk
Unless something offensive is said, you should avoid saying something like “We need to talk about sex”.
You should talk about sex when both of you are in the bedroom. The other best time to do so is when you’re both relaxing or fooling around in the house.
One of the best times to talk about sex is when the timing is right. It can be because of something that you saw on TV or in a magazine.
3. Speak in third person
If you’re having a hard time talking about sex, then try talking about a friend who enjoys a particular type of fantasy or has been involved in an explicit sexual act.
You can talk about sex in third person if your partner approves of it, and you can also smile sheepishly if you’re talking about yourself.
4. Naughty questions
While you may think this is just a game, asking your partner dirty questions can actually do so much more for you than you think!
Once you get past the giggles and the blushes, talking about sex can have a real healing impact on your relationship.
5. Don’t push it
You should avoid going overboard while trying to impress your partner or prove that you love them even if you don’t. Just because they enjoy something doesn’t mean that they expect the same from you. Sometimes, it requires compromising one’s sexual interests.
You should talk to your partner about their sexual preferences or hear them out. If it’s something that you can’t do, then open up about it without making them feel like they’re being judged.
6. Delay penetration
When you enter the bedroom, what do you do? Do you rush into sex just because you think that your partner is irresistible? It’s best to take it slowly.
Discussing your partner’s sexual preferences and taking it slow can make for an interesting and more pleasurable experience.
Take time to talk about the things that you both enjoy and try new sexual experiences that are pleasurable.
7. Start the conversation with a confession
Don’t get carried away. If you’re trying to get your partner’s sexual preferences, but they’re just coyly indicating that they’re not interested in anything but the missionary, then don’t push them.
Instead, try to make a small confession. Explain what you enjoy and share the details with your partner so that they can see how it affects their reaction.
Taking it slow can enable your partner to test their boundaries without assuming that you are a sexual deviant.
8. Talk dirty in bed
Talk dirty is appropriate when both of you are comfortable exploring one another’s sexual preferences without feeling inhibited.
If you’re hoping to get your partner to open up about their sexual preferences, then start talking about naughty or explicit topics while having sex.
A wildcat might occur as a result of one thing. You’ll also get an amazing sex experience as well.
9. Don’t clam up
Don’t judge your partner if they say they’re open to having a threesome or are considering public displays of their private parts.
We all have sexual desires of our own, and even though yours may seem tame, there’s a chance that you’ll shock a lot of people with your own imagination.
If your partner confides in you that they have some of the most extreme sexual desires, then it’s crucial that you acknowledge their identity.
Clam up may make your partner feel ashamed, and they may never open up again.
10. That annoying feeling
If something in your partner’s statement makes you feel uneasy, try to sit down and talk about it. With a calm and confident demeanor, you can reassure them that you’re not judging them and are merely trying to understand more about their sexual preferences.
If your partner starts talking about their sexual preferences or reveals their desires in an explicit manner, then try to add your own dark thoughts or experiences into the conversation.
11. Sex suggestions aren’t criticisms
You must understand this to know that your partner’s revelation of their sexual preferences in bed is for the betterment of both their sex life and you. Even if it offends you, they are merely trying to make your experience better.
Although you may find it amusing to accept criticism in bed, make sure that you remember it so that your partner will feel more comfortable talking about their sexual preferences in the future.
12. The right time
Don’t make inappropriate remarks at inappropriate moments. If your partner engages in dirty talk or displays an inappropriate fantasy during intercourse, do not interrupt the session and stare at them with a stunned expression.
Talk about matters that are embarrassing or awkward just after sex is not advisable either.
If you’re planning on discussing a particular sexual preference of your partner, then talk about it after they have mentioned it so that they won’t feel insulted or judged.
13. Be open to the conversation
When discussing the topic of sex secrets with your spouse or partner, you should ask open-ended questions to gain their perspective first.
You should talk about the things that you both enjoy and try to explore the world of sexual ideas and dirty fantasies together. If it works, well, good for both of you. If not, move on and explore new sexual ideas. The key lies in communication.
14. Don’t be a prude
If you’re open to the idea of discussing sexual preferences or kinky ideas, then you’re ready for a wild ride. Before you start talking about sex or kinky ideas, tell the truth about your own desires and the new sexual experiences that you want to try.
Holding sexual thoughts that are close to your heart can make you believe that sex will improve as the infatuation wears off. It’s like asking for a miracle in every sexual encounter.
Try to explore the world of kinky ideas and dark desires with your partner. While you may think that these are outrageous or naughty, these are the thoughts of other people already.
15. Explain clearly
No one can predict what will happen in the future. If you’re unsure of what to expect in bed, then talk about it directly. However, avoid being critical or negative, especially when talking about something that’s bothering you.
You can use “I” statements instead of “you” when talking about your partner’s sexual preferences. Doing so avoids making a statement that you’re accusing your partner of doing anything wrong.
Instead of saying “You make me feel like this,” say “I feel like this”. These statements can help keep the partner from becoming defensive.
16. Ask questions and listen
People often have a hard time being good listeners. They think they can, but most of them actually do not.
Most people are so focused on avoiding hurting either themselves or their partner that they barely pay attention to what their partner is saying.
Try to be present and curious during the conversation. Also, try to have empathy for your partner, as their perspective is not exclusive to you. You have to accept what they’re saying.
These are some tips that can help your partner open up about their sexual preferences and desires. Also, remember that there is a wide range of sexual thoughts and fantasies out there, and as freaky as you may think, yours may not be as shocking or unique as you believe.