If you find yourself being incredibly turned on by your partner, who is also demanding that you pleasure them, then you might be an extreme lover of submissive sex but have never truly realized it.
Getting into this type of setup, which is usually referred to as a submissive-dominant type of sex, can be intimidating. This article will teach you everything you need to know to start.
What is Submissive Sex?
In case you have not heard the term “submissive sex” or have just stumbled across it while reading Fifty Shades of Grey, I will be guiding you through it.
There are two types of people in a submissive sex relationship: a dominant and a submissive. The dominant person has all the power, and they can make all the rules.
In a submissive relationship, the individual gives up their own power and free will in order to perform the sexual acts that the dominant person desires.
How Many People Are Having Submissive Sex?
It has been estimated that around 53% of Americans have a preference for either dominant or submissive sex. This means that if you are feeling passionate about being strapped down, you are not alone.
There are various reasons why people might feel aroused when they think of being submissive, but it is completely normal.
How to Have Submissive Sex
Although it may seem effortless to let your partner dictate what you should do during intercourse, there are many more facets to this type of relationship. These guidelines aim to make it safer and more fun.
1. Talk To Your Partner
Before you start having sex with a submissive partner, make sure that you both know that you are interested in it. Tell them that you are interested in this type of relationship.
Remember that your partner’s sexual needs are just as crucial as yours. Having a good talk about having sex with a submissive person can help you both feel more comfortable and make it more likely that you will actually engage in it.
2. Decide Who is Submissive and Who is Dominant
There are people who are naturally dominant and have a natural submissive side. If you are interested in becoming a submissive, then tell them.
This type of sex involves two individuals, and it can be hard to get into if the partner you are with is not dominant.
3. Do Some Research
There is so much information about submissive sex that you should do some research to learn more about it. Doing so will allow you to come up with a variety of sexual acts that you want to perform.
This should be done together. Doing research will allow you to understand what the other person wants in sex. Having a good understanding of what the other person wants will make it more enjoyable.
4. Agree on the Boundaries
When having intercourse with a submissive partner, there should be boundaries. This is because there are so many different ways that this type of relationship can be done, and you should set a limit on what is acceptable to avoid hurting yourself or getting awkward.
One of the best ways to experiment with your partner is by trying new activities. Try varying things and see if you like it or if you would rather not engage in such activities while being submissive.
5. Discuss the Terms
Occasionally, people go to extreme lengths to maintain a submissive relationship. They live their lives in complete conformity with the dominant partner. This is regarded as the rare form of submission.
You should also talk about the length of time that you will be in this mode. Will it be during sex, or will it be extended beyond just when you’re in the house?
6. Pick a Safe Word
You will need it, trust us. Although safe words can be used throughout submissive activities, they are important during intercourse. Even with boundaries in place, there can be times when your partner does something that hasn’t been covered yet.
Having a safe word can help you avoid getting hurt or uncomfortable during these situations. Also, make sure that it is a simple one that your partner can easily recognize.
7. Take Things Slow at First
Coming into a submissive situation without being used to it can be very challenging. Being too strong can negatively affect how you will feel during intercourse with the other person.
Before you start doing things in a submissive manner, try doing some small things first. It will take some time to develop the type of behavior that you want to have with the other person.
8. Try Some Role Playing to Get Into the Mindset
Getting used to the idea of being submissive can be very challenging, especially if you have never been in this type of situation before. Role-playing can help you develop this mindset.
Some great examples of these are boss/employee, or professor/student. These will help you develop a more dominant mindset and place your partner in it too.
9. Keep an Open Line of Communication
Things can get a bit complicated when it comes to being submissive due to how extreme some of the acts may be. A submissive may feel hurt if they are subjected to too much pain.
Things will get easier when you maintain an open communication line with your partner. This will allow you to talk about what’s offensive or insulting to one another rather than keeping it private, which can make you feel bummed out.
10. Experiment With a Range of Different Submissive Behaviors
After you have started your journey with being submissive, it’s time to experiment with different roles and routines.
Take it a step further and try doing more submission-related activities. You may end up loving various toys, gags, restraints, or whips.
11. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask For More
If your partner is not being as dominant as you want them to be, don’t be afraid to ask for more. They want to make sure that you are satisfied with their ability, and if it’s not enough for you, then they will change their ways.
12. Understand Your Own Desires and Limits
It’s important to reflect on the things that make you want to engage in submissive sex. Before you start having sex, it’s important that you have a good understanding of your own limits. Having a good understanding of these will allow you to feel safe and comfortable.
A good way to reflect on the various activities that you want to experience while being submissive is by creating a list of the things that you’re interested in. This exercise can help you determine what you want from the experience.
Having a good understanding of your own limits will allow you to have a more positive and enjoyable experience with being submissive.
13. Negotiate Your Dynamic
Discussing the terms is important during submissive sex, as it comes with a unique power dynamic. You should decide whether this dynamic will only occur during intercourse or extend beyond this period into daily interactions.
Some people prefer to have the dynamic happen within a specific period, while others may prefer it to be fluid. Having these details will help you avoid potential misunderstandings and ensure that you are on the same page.
This dialogue may be utilized to decide upon specific roles, rituals, or behaviors that may be utilized within your play.
14. Set Expectations for Aftercare
One of the most important factors that you and your partner should consider when it comes to being submissive is the care that both of you need following the experience. Before you start engaging in any type of play, it’s crucial that you talk about what you need to feel comfortable.
Some people prefer physical touch, such as a massage or cuddling. On the other hand, others may prefer to be alone or have verbal reassurance. Having a good understanding of what works for your partner will allow you both to feel supported and respected.
While it’s important for you and your partner to take time to relax and talk about the experience, it’s also important that dominants have time to unwind. Having a consistent routine will help build a stronger connection between you and your partner.
15. Create a Comfortable Environment
Having the appropriate environment and mood for sex will help partners feel more at ease and safe. A private space that is free from distractions can allow individuals to fully immerse themselves in the experience.
A relaxing environment can be achieved through the use of various elements, such as soft music, dim lighting, and cozy bedding. A tranquil environment helps one focus on the dynamic instead of being distracted by external factors.
You should ensure you have all the necessary equipment you need to make your bedroom feel comfortable. Doing so will allow you to show your partner that you care about them and provide them with the necessary environment to enjoy their experience.
16. Practice Reading Nonverbal Cues
Non-verbal cues, such as facial expressions, breathing patterns, and body language, can communicate your partner’s feelings. By observing these during intercourse, you can gain a deeper understanding of how your partner is feeling.
Positive and relaxed responses can indicate comfort and enjoyment, while tense or hesitant movements can indicate either nervousness or confusion. Non-verbal communication is crucial when one is unsure of whether or not to speak up, and this can be an issue during intercourse. It’s crucial to check in whenever possible to make sure that the experience is enjoyable and consensual.
17. Try Incorporating Props and Toys
A variety of toys and props can be used to enhance the experience of sex, and introduce more variety to the dynamic. Some basic options include blindfolds, silk ties, and vibrating toys.
If you’re planning on exploring more, consider using items such as paddles, leash, or collar. Make sure that the tools you use are comfortable for both of you, and always talk about how they will be used.
Doing this allows you to experiment without getting overwhelmed. Props are great for exploring submission in a more engaging manner.
18. Stay Grounded in Reality
While there are various aspects involved in performing submissive sex, it’s important to keep in mind that these aren’t reflections of your actual relationship. You and your partner should also maintain equality and mutual respect.
Misunderstandings about one’s responsibilities in life should not be made. Having regular check-ins with one another can help reinforce the boundary between reality and play.
Values such as trust, openness, and respect are essential to maintaining a fulfilling and healthy relationship. Having these in place allows you to have fun while maintaining the dynamics of your relationship.
19. Balance Playfulness with Seriousness
Although it can feel intimidating to start with, it’s perfectly fine to explore submissive sex with a playful attitude. If something goes wrong, just move on. Trying new things can take some time, so don’t expect your partner or yourself to be perfect at everything.
In order to ensure safety, make sure that both of you take the necessary precautions. Having a balance between enjoyment and responsibility is very important to maintain a healthy relationship. When one partner feels supported and at ease in their relationship, trust and enjoyment can grow naturally.
20. Stop the Submissive Sex If You Don’t Actually Like It
The seductive appeal of submissive sex is far greater than the reality of its existence. If you find yourself not being as enthusiastic as you anticipated, try talking to your significant other. They will understand if you decide to revert to the old ways of sex.
Submissive Sex Activities to Explore
There are many activities that can help build trust and deepen intimacy among partners ready to explore the pleasures of submissive sex.
It’s important to start with options that are beginner-friendly. Each activity has its own unique way of handling sensations and dynamics, and you and your partner can choose what works best for them.
1. Sensory Deprivation
One of the easiest ways to start exploring the pleasures of being submissive is by restricting the partner’s senses with the use of earplugs or blindfolds. This allows them to feel the sounds, touch, and other sensations that are not available with normal senses.
Wearing a blindfold can make a kiss or touch feel more unexpected and intense due to how it strips the ability to see. With earplugs, the submissive partner can focus on the physical sensations instead of the sounds.
You can combine this with other activities for a more immersive experience. This is great for couples who are looking for an exciting and suspenseful session.
2. Light Bondage
A light bondage session can introduce control and restraint in an effort to maintain safety without getting too overboard. One can use soft objects such as ties, scarves, or velcro cuffs to help one feel like they are being held down.
In bondage, you can use handcuffs or a loose wrist to control the partner’s movement. This type of activity adds a layer of trust as the submissive begins to surrender control.
You should ensure that the restraints aren’t too tight, and you should have quick-release tools or scissors nearby. Light bondage can be sensual or playful, and you and your partner should approach it in a certain way.
3. Guided Control Activities
A guided control activity involves the dominant partner taking control as the submissive goes along with their lead. This can be accomplished by giving verbal commands such as “Hold still,” “Look at me,” or “Kneel.”
The goal of this dynamic is to surrender control in a safe and consensual manner. You can also show your partner how to stay still or move around in various positions.
This activity is great for couples who are looking to ease into the emotional and mental aspects of being submissive. Open communication is also important during this dynamic. It should be clear on what feels good and when it should stop.
4. Power Dynamics Role-Play Scenarios
Through role-playing, couples can explore the various aspects of being submissive. They can also choose to have fun with different scenarios or personas. Some couples enjoy having fun with the classic dynamics of being an employee or boss.
In a role-play scenario, the submissive partner can take on a role that requires them to follow certain rules. This type of exchange of power can be fun and consensual. Before the activity, it’s important that both partners talk about the boundaries of the play.
Playful scenarios allow couples to explore their inner desires and personal dynamics in a secure and supervised environment.
5. Erotic Rituals to Build Anticipation
Experiential rituals can help deepen and enhance the submissive experience. These can involve routines or tasks that the partner completes prior to or during the session. These can include preparing the room, undressing, or staying in a certain position.
Some rituals can also help build anticipation for the play. For instance, you can ask your partner to wait for instructions while preparing for the activity. This type of ritual can create a sense of focus and anticipation, which can help both partners have a better experience.
The key to maintaining a fun and respectful environment is to set boundaries that are both agreed upon. Doing so can help reinforce the dynamic without making it feel overwhelming.
Myths and Misconceptions About Submissive Sex
Due to the nature of submissive sex not being talked about openly, there are numerous misunderstandings about it. These can result in unnecessary expectations or stigma, so it’s important to clear these up.
Contrary to popular belief, safe and consensual sex can be a great experience for both partners. There are also various myths about this activity that are not true.
1. Submission Means Weakness or Inferiority
The most common misconception about being submissive is that it makes one weak or inferior. In reality, this is not the case, as submission is a choice that requires strength, self-awareness, and trust.
People who are submissive set their own terms ahead of time, which makes them an equal participant in the experience. They do this through active communication, which indicates that they are not weak.
2. All Submissive Acts Involve Pain or Extreme Dominance
Misperceptions about submissive sex often involve harsh dominance or painful acts. While some people may find it hard to differentiate between physical and emotional intensity, the dynamics of this dynamic can be very diverse.
Some activities, such as light bondage and sensory deprivation, do not involve pain but can still provide a satisfactory submissive experience. People who are exploring this dynamic do not necessarily want to experience extreme scenarios or physical discipline.
3. Submissive Roles Are Gender-Specific
Another misconception about the dynamic is that it is related to gender, with women being submissive and men dominating. This is not true, as the focus is on dynamics and personality.
Although people of all genders can enjoy being dominant or submissive, the specific roles can vary in a relationship. Some men find fulfillment in this type of dynamic, as women do for dominant ones. It’s up to the individual to decide what’s right for them.
4. Submissive Individuals Don’t Have Control Over the Experience
Another damaging misconception about the dynamic involves the idea that submissives give up all control over their actions. In reality, they are only as involved as the dominant partner in the dynamic.
Before a session begins, submissive individuals typically set boundaries and limits, and they have the ability to modify or stop the experience at any point. Having regular check-ins and safe words ensure their safety throughout the experience.
This dynamic is based on trust and mutual respect, which means that the submissive partner can still control their experience.
5. All Dominant Partners Are Sadists
One misconception about the dynamic is the belief that dominant partners are sadists who enjoy doing harm. While some people may indulge in sadomasochistic activities, this isn’t a requirement for being dominant.
The concept of dominance refers to the ability to align with one’s desires and boundaries. Some people would do this by giving commands or guiding submissive partner through psychological or emotional submission without pain.
A dominant partner is likely to be gentle, caring, and attentive to their submissive partner’s needs. This type of partner prioritizes their partner’s safety and comfort above all else.
The reduction of dominance to sadism undermines the intricate and delicate care involved in establishing a healthy, mutually satisfying power dynamic.
It’s Definitely Worth Exploring
Experiencing submissive sex can be an exciting and fun experience for couples, and it’s also a great way to build trust and develop a deeper connection with your partner.
For others, experiencing this type of dynamic can be a transformative experience that changes their relationship and opens their eyes to new desires. Having the necessary consent and communication is also important to ensure that the experience is enjoyable.
Getting started with submissive sex can be challenging if you have no idea where to start. This guide taught you everything you need to know to become a satisfied submissive.