It can be overpowering to feel excitement during sex for the first time, but it can also be easy to let anxiety get the better of you. Even the slightest worry can feel terrifying as you lose your virginity.
Due to varying personal and cultural beliefs, people have their own opinions on when or if it’s the right time to lose one’s virginity. This can put a lot of pressure on people to “get it right” the first time.
Before you get into bed, here are some tips that can help ease the anxiety and enhance the pleasure of sex.
What is virginity?
If you’re not familiar with the sexual terminology, then congratulations, as you are a virgin if you have never had sex with anybody else.
Different people define virginity in different ways. For instance, some people experience losing their virginity when a penis comes into contact with a vagina.
Unfortunately, this definition doesn’t take into account other sexual orientations and acts. For instance, some people define sex to include oral, anal, or phone sex.
When you have sex, the circumstances that may result in the loss of your virginity also affect your status. Some people believe that it can only be lost after intercourse with a couple of partners.
Ultimately, the individual decides whether or not they want to define virginity. It may look different from other people’s point of view. Since it’s a social construct, nobody can tell you what it means to be virgin.
What does it mean to be a virgin?
Virginity is a unique individual thing to everyone. Some people consider it to be a sacred attribute, while others find it meaningless.
Society has created the term virginity as a way to refer to people who have never had sex. There is no such thing as a defining trait when it comes to being a virgin, and most people don’t think it has any value.
The only thing that matters is your sexual preferences. If you are content with your sexuality and are happy with your current state of affairs, then nothing else matters.
What’s the average age people lose their virginity?
No one can predict when an individual will finally be ready to have sex.
You are only ready to be intimate once you confirm that you are. No one can tell you that you are ready for sex just because you are a young adult.
Can other people tell when you’ve lost your virginity?
The simple answer is no, as other people cannot tell if you have lost your virginity. Virginity isn’t real since it’s a social construct rather than something that can be perceived or sensed.
Due to the stigma attached to the topic of losing one’s virginity, it is considered a significant issue by most people.
It’s like a rite of passage, similar to when you first learned how to ride a bike. Once you get used to it, it’ll no longer be as significant as it seems.
No one needs to know if you have ever had sex. People do feel that they have to tell others after the deed has been completed, which is unnecessary.
If you want to keep it private, then by all means do so.
Can you get your virginity back?
Some individuals value the whereabouts, reasons, and who lost their virginity. On the other hand, it doesn’t matter to others.
The concept of virginity is a personal choice for the individual. Although it’s a widely held social construct, it’s true that a person can experience sex for the first time just one in their lifetime.
You can’t take back your virginity. If you think that you’re ready to have sex, then talk to your partner about it. But, wait until both of you are ready to have sex.
If you’re not ready to have sex yet, don’t allow yourself to be influenced by a friend’s comments about it. Having sex will only feel good if both of you care about each other and communicate well.
Arm-twisting your way into sex may cause you to feel traumatized emotionally, and it could make you reflect on an unpleasant experience.
It’s not necessary to question whether or not you’ll ever regain your virginity, as long as you’re comfortable and confident.
How to have sex for the first time and enjoy it
Every life encounter has its first moments. Therefore, it is important to learn a few rules and practices to ensure that you enjoy your first experience. When it comes time to have sex, it just so happens that the same rules apply.
These are some of the suggestions that will help you have sex for the first time. These will teach you everything you need to know to make it more pleasurable.
1. Do it with someone you love
Although losing one’s virginity may seem like a total cliché, it actually has merit. Sexy novels and movies do not depict it in a similar manner. Experiencing sex with someone you care about can help build trust and intimacy.
You should consider it a great accomplishment to have sex with someone who genuinely cares about you and your needs instead of being forced to confess that you ever lost your virginity to an intoxicated partner.
2. Plan it beforehand
Before you have sex, it’s important that you plan out the details of the night. Having the proper music and candles can help set the mood for the experience.
This might seem like a daunting task, but having open communication with your partner can help make sex more pleasurable.
3. Don’t be drunk
It may seem like a good idea to have a couple of drinks to help ease the nerves before sex. However, this rarely works out. Since you’ll want to be fully present during this experience, refrain from drinking alcohol.
4. Take safety measures before having sex
If you’re both ready to have sex, then it’s important that you don’t have any awkward conversations about each other’s sexual history. Having this information ahead of time can help ensure that you’re aware of where it has been.
Even if your girlfriend is on the pill, you should still use protection. Even though it can help prevent an unplanned pregnancy, it doesn’t provide you with enough protection.
5. Don’t use porn as a teaching tool
Although you may believe that porn can help you learn more about sex, it’s probably not the best idea for you. It can make you either a misguided lover or a selfish one.
Many of the false lessons that porn provides are aimed at women. For instance, it implies that they enjoy violent sexual acts and that they are orgasming machines.
Despite the abundance of porn for girls, the majority of adult films are still dominated by men. This means that there will not be much opportunity for women to enjoy themselves on film.
You won’t find porn that features a man going down on a girl for more than a minute or two. Instead, it’s about angles and not real satisfaction.
6. Make the mood count
Although it’s likely that you’ll have a bad sex experience, it can still be enjoyable if the atmosphere is right. Having the proper music, candles, and massage can help set the mood for your experience.
This is your first time having sex, so avoid distractions. One of these may be your mobile device, which you can deactivate. Focus on one another, and learn about each other’s preferences.
7. Make sure you’re alone
Although living with your parents can be challenging, try staying in an empty house or a hotel for your first experience.
This can make your experience more comfortable, as it allows you both to take as much time as you want. Also, being alone can let both of you be as loud as you want.
8. Communicate
Before you have sex, make sure that you communicate with each other. Also, make sure to check in with your partner to make sure that they’re feeling comfortable.
Talk about what you like and what you feel good about. This will allow you to understand each other’s sexual preferences.
Also, take the time to notice the facial expressions and body language of your partner to ensure that they’re not upset or in pain.
It can also help you and your partner get in the mood when you’re both talking dirty and making compliments.
9. Foreplay is a must
If you’re feeling ready to have sex with your partner, then odds are that you have already practiced other sexual activities. Some of the sexual activities that you may have started include kissing, dry humping, and touching each other’s genitals.
Even though you’re planning on having intercourse, indulge in some good foreplay with your partner. That’s why you should spend some time in bed.
This is important for the girl as she will need clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. Penetrating too soon could hurt her. Also, if the man gets too aroused, he might lose his erection.
10. Use your fingers
For the first time, the man should use his fingers to play with the girl’s lower half. This will help with lubrication and make penetration easier. While the girl is wet, the man can still go down on her to make sure that she’s ready for penetration.
11. Lube it up
For first-timers, it is important to lubricate. For women who are nervous, this can be hard to achieve naturally. Having a little KY lubricant will help ease any discomfort and allow for a pleasurable slip and slide sensation.
12. The best position for first-time sex
If you’re hoping to enjoy losing your virginity, then stick with the basics and perform the missionary position. The missionary involves having both partners lay on top of one another.
The missionary position is also the best for new sexual encounters as it allows both of you to control the other’s movements. With other positions, one of you may lose control and push too hard.
The missionary position also helps build trust and intimacy since it puts both of your faces close to one another.
13. Be gentle
If it feels painful, try to be gentle. The man should also refrain from moving too aggressively after having penetrated for the first time. After the man has entered the girl, slowly let the penetration sink in. There’s no rush to get it all the way in.
Your partner might get easily dislodged from you if you keep moving too vigorously. Slow down and reposition yourself to keep your body in sync with her body. If it’s painful, try to stop moving your pelvis.
14. Keep it simple
Instead of using candles, or seductive songs, choose something simple and natural. It’s important to remove all the pressure from yourself so that you can have fun without worrying about any lingering issues.
15. Enjoy each other
It’s perfectly fine to be excited or anxious about your first sexual encounter. Just take it slow and allow your instincts and passion to guide you.
It’s important to have fun and enjoy each other, but don’t rush to the finish line. Having both of you comfortable together will help you have a long-lasting and relaxing experience.
Take some time to enjoy each other and get in the moment. Doing so will help you have a long-lasting and relaxing experience.
Losing your virginity and things to keep in mind
Having sex for the first time can be very different from what you expect. In some cases, there may be moments of confusion or even an awkward encounter.
Don’t let these moments get in the way of having fun and enjoying the intimacy.
1. If sex hurts or is uncomfortable
If it’s painful, try to take things slow. Instead of moving forward and going in and out, the man can penetrate the girl in a circular manner and move his pelvis in the opposite direction. This will make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
2. You might lose your erection
A man’s excitement can reduce the flow of blood to his member, causing him to lose his erection.
During times like these, try to take a break and enjoy foreplay. If the two of you have sex for the first time, the man will feel more relaxed and his penis will stand up as soon as he feels relaxed.
3. She may be unable to stay wet
Although it can be exciting, having sex for the very first time may not be as arousing as you expect. Even if the woman turns on initially, she can still feel the effects of the penetration and dry up down there.
It’s important to keep in mind that the woman may still be turned on, and she can still wet. But, focus more on other areas, continue to engage in kissing, fondling, and making love to one another.
Even if it still doesn’t work, try using a lubricant. However, be careful with how much you use, as overdoing it can make it slippery or decrease the sensation. If you have used a lot of extra lube, just wipe away any remaining residue.
4. She may bleed
During sex, your girlfriend may experience light spotting or bleeding due to the tear in her hymen, which is a thin membrane that’s part of the vagina. This tear can occur as a result of penetration.
It’s important to note that every woman is different, and some may experience mild bleeding. Others may experience none at all.
Most women do not experience pain during intercourse. In fact, only a few of them experience pain that’s considered severe.
Any pain, whether it’s minor or significant, can be similar to a pinprick, and the psychological trauma caused by imagining how much pain it would be is typically more severe than the actual impact.
5. Premature ejaculation
It’s a common occurrence when first-time partners have sex. If the man starts ejaculating too quickly, try taking a break and focusing on foreplay instead. If both of you are still young and have sex for a long time, the man should be high and ready for the next round.
6. She may not reach an orgasm
Unlike just being turned on, orgasms are mental for women, and they require a hundred percent focus. Therefore, if she has high nerves during intercourse, it’s possible that she won’t be able to achieve orgasm.
It’s not a good idea to feel sorry about this. Instead, celebrate the quality of the sexual encounter.
7. Soreness afterward
After having sex, you may experience soreness for a couple of days. It’s normal to feel this soreness after working your internal muscles, which may have been dormant.
If you’re experiencing severe soreness, talk to a trusted family member or consult a healthcare provider.
What does an orgasm feel like?
It can be hard to explain how an orgasm works. It’s a pleasurable sensation that can feel like a muscle spasm.
To get a deeper understanding of the experience, try to remember how you felt when you dipped a cotton swab into your ear to clean it. For instance, did it make you want to shut your eyes? Then, imagine how it would affect you if you suddenly lost focus on the present moment.
What no one tells you about losing your virginity
Getting to experience sex for the first time is a big deal. Throughout your entire life, you’ve been thinking about this moment. When it finally arrives, you’ll realize how much pressure you’re under.
Having sex is like having a first kiss. There are various truths about losing one’s virginity that are rarely talked about, and these should be acknowledged.
1. It’ll probably be really, really awkward
First-time sex can be physically and mentally uncomfortable, and it can feel like you’re suspended in a vulnerable state. Fortunately, it will eventually pass.
2. You can change your mind at any point
It’s not a requirement to have sex, even if you were feeling it earlier. You don’t have to carry on with it after the mood has changed.
If you’re planning on going out for a special occasion, don’t indulge in it if it doesn’t feel right. You’ll still be able to use your genitals as long as it feels right.
3. Your virginity is not a gift
The concept of sacred virginity is a popular one, and society tends to focus on it. In reality, it does not have to be a gift or a sacred thing. It doesn’t have to exist if you don’t want it to.
Your first sexual encounter with someone else does not constitute a gift under any circumstances. You are the only individual who can make decisions regarding your body.
4. It won’t be like in the movies
You shouldn’t trust the movies when it comes to experiencing sexual intercourse for the first time. It’s not easy, sweet, or effortless.
Movies do not reflect the real-life experiences of people who lose their virginity. Instead, they paint a picture of romantic relationships that are unrealistic.
5. It won’t be good
Although this may cause some concern, it’s perfectly normal to experience sexual intercourse without a good feeling. If it isn’t, then you’re either incredibly lucky or have no idea what it feels like yet.
It usually feels uncomfortable, though it’s also a good thing to be spending time with someone who you care about.
6. Losing your virginity doesn’t mean exactly what you think it does
You’ll experience a completely different sexual experience after having intercourse for the first time. This isn’t because you have been sexually active.
You’ll feel a completely different person after having sex for the first time. This is a normal and cliché point, but it’s also true. Being vulnerable and letting yourself be vulnerable with someone new is going to affect your psyche.
7. They don’t care what your body looks like
We often become self-conscious about our bodies when we’re naked. Being vulnerable is what it’s all about. The only thing that people pay attention to when they see you naked is your special bits. Not your extra weight gain.
8. It’s okay to communicate that it’s your first time
You don’t need to be ashamed of what you’ve experienced when it comes to sex. Being open with your partner about your sexual preferences is allowed.
Although you may feel embarrassed about being open about your first sexual encounter, it’s important to be comfortable with whoever it is you’re sharing it with. If they have a history of sexual activity, they’ll likely accommodate you.
9. You are going to feel like the newb-iest of newbs
This is not a surprise, as you are new to this part of your life. Nevertheless, don’t let it hinder your enjoyment of sex.
When it comes to sex, you need time and practice to master it just like you did when it came to driving or cycling a bike.
10. It’s special for the other person, too
If you’re both going through the same journey as one another, then losing your virginity is significant to both of you. It means a lot to the other person as they haven’t done anything like it.
If the other person has already done it before, losing your virginity may feel more special for them. Even if it’s not their first time, they can still experience something that’s very special.
11. A girl’s cherry doesn’t “pop”
Forget all of the talk about “girl’s cherry popping,” as this term is objectifying and untrue. The original meaning of this phrase was “ripping the virginity of the hymen.”
A hymen may tear during penetration, which can make a girl bleed. It isn’t something that women should be ashamed of, nor is it something that they should consider sacred. In fact, it can be caused by various factors, such as gymnastics and horseback riding.
12. Girls probably won’t finish
This applies to the girls who have lost their virginity. While the majority of males who experience this typically end it quickly, the opposite is true for females.
Due to how long it usually takes for women to finish, and how long it would take for a man to do so, it’s likely that girls won’t be able to finish.
Rather than letting this affect your enjoyment of sex, keep in mind that it’s about feeling good with your partner.
13. Your relationship will get better
If you’re in a relationship and have lost your virginity to somebody who genuinely cares about you, things may get better. A closeness that you feel with someone who has previously slept with you is not possible in a relationship without sex.
14. Or, your relationship could get weird-ish
Nonetheless, it can potentially cause a rocky patch in your relationship. Tension, confusion, and awkwardness can sabotage any potential union.
Some people may feel guilty about wanting to have sex too soon. However, it’s important to communicate this to avoid hurting your relationship.
15. Virgins can still have STDs
At first, it may not make sense for a virgin to have an STD since they have never been sexually active. But, despite the misconception that STDs can only be transmitted through sexual activities, they can be spread through other non-sexual means like using a shared razor or needle.
It is very important to use protection against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) as a virgin does not necessarily mean that they are free from these infections.
This guide contains all the necessary information you need to know in order to have sex and lose your virginity. With that in mind, make sure that both of you are ready to take this important step in your relationship.
There are no wrong ways to have sex as long as you are enjoying it. This guide taught you various secrets and tips to ensure that your first experience with sex will be both satisfying and special.