While some people are better at flirting than others, it’s also something that everyone can do unconsciously.
Flirting has a definition, but what does it actually look like in practice? Do we all flirt differently?
Different ways of flirting can be used. Some people use body language, while others prefer eye contact. Double entendres and words are also commonly used.
Although some people are good at flirting, others are terrible at it. The good news is that practice and confidence can help improve one’s skills.
What is flirting?
While we often view flirting as a fun way to connect with others, it is actually a part of our natural instinct to find a suitable partner.
It is hard to define what flirting is due to the fact that it involves various behaviors. In addition to being sexual, it is also a social behavior.
We unconsciously act in a way that makes others feel that we are attractive in return. A few flirting moves include:
- Body language
- Suggestive remarks
- Playfully touching or nudging the other person
- Gentle playful insults that are designed to show friendliness rather than annoyance
- Giggling or laughing
- Drawing attention to alluring body parts
- Playful banter
Everyone has their own unique way of flirting. With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at what it is and why we do it.
If we don’t flirt, how would we ever approach someone and say, “I like you” or “We’ll see if they like us back?” This is terrifying, right?
Flirting is natural and fun
We flirt regardless of whether or not we realize it. Even if we’re already in a committed relationship, we will still continue flirting.
We don’t need to hide it if we flirt with someone we are already in a relationship with. Like needing water and eating, our bodies are programmed to seek out potential partners.
Humans are capable of surviving and reproducing, and flirting enables this. It used to be that sending a wink was all that was needed to flirt. However, since it’s no longer the case, we don’t use this old technique.
Throughout history, people have evolved to varying ways of flirting. Some of which they do not realize they are doing.
Flirting is subconscious or conscious
Many people do not understand how their body movements change as they flirt. For instance, a man tends to get his chest puffed out when he approaches a woman.
A woman’s body movements are also influenced by how she is approached by a man. For instance, she might start swaying her hips more as she approaches a man.
Our bodies are also programmed to respond unconsciously when we are flirting with someone. These actions are mainly beyond our control since our minds have predetermined them.
Your body language can also be influenced by how you are approaching someone.
When you’re flirting, you can perform various subconscious actions unconsciously. For instance, you can smile more around someone who you’re interested in, stand with your feet slightly pointed toward them, and send glances at them.
If you’re planning on picking somebody up, you might also do something that you know will get their attention. For instance, women tend to stick out their breasts for men.
It’s believed that many women find muscly and strong men attractive. Therefore, he may show his biceps or push his chest out. This is conscious flirting, as you are aware of it when you perform it.
Even animals flirt!
If you want to learn more about how animals attract their partners, you can look closely at the way they do it. They do this unconsciously when they are looking for a partner.
Male peacocks display different colors and sizes of their feathers to attract females.
Although peacocks aren’t aware that they’re flirting, they believe that performing these actions are part of their mating rituals to ensure the survival of their species. As humans, we also tend to flirt in similar ways.
A study was conducted by anthropologist David Givens and psychologist Timothy Perper. They were able to analyze the body language of women as they were flirting with men in a bar.
The results of the study revealed that most women use the same body language when they are flirting with men.
The women displayed various body movements as they were flirting with men. They included playing with their hair, smiling, and gazing at the men. They also swayed their hips as they walked.
The researchers then looked into the men and found similar body movements and actions.
The men displayed various body movements. They arched their backs, displayed authoritative actions, and spread their legs open. They also flashed their money.
Flirting is just as vocal as it is physical
Flirting goes beyond the words that you utter in front of others. It involves your body language, and it’s something that you can consciously or unconsciously perform. It’s important to keep your mouth closed when you’re trying to pick somebody up.
Someone could be talking gibberish, but if your subconscious mind picks up on their flirtatious body language and you respond to it, then it doesn’t matter what they say. Some individuals date complete losers because their chemistry just clicks.
According to a study conducted by psychologist Antonio Damasio, our brain is activated when we see someone attractive. This activates the part of our brain that’s similar to a person’s brain when they have a certain type of cell damage.
This supposedly means that our rational thinking is temporarily paralyzed when we crush on someone. It makes us unable to make critical decisions.
It’s a temporary phenomenon, and it can only last for a limited amount of time. Once that initial infatuation ends, we can get back to reality.
Why are there different types of flirting?
We tend to use different styles of flirting. Although it’s possible to think that there’s only one type of flirting, this isn’t the case. Each individual has their own unique personality.
You may be flirting in the traditional manner, and you may not be aware of it. On the other hand, people who you often go with may be more playful.
People who claim to lack the ability to flirt often don’t realize which type of flirting they’re doing. It’s possible that they’ve been flirting all along, and they’re not aware that they’re doing it.
Everyone has their own unique style when it comes to their attraction and interests.
People tend to struggle when it comes to flirting due to how not everyone does it the same way. This is why it’s not always your fault if you find it hard to determine if someone is interested in you.
Your ability to flirt will entirely depend on the type of flirting that you’re most likely to find appealing. There’s no such thing as a one-fits-all approach when it comes to flirting.
We’re all unique, which means not everyone will try flirting the same way with somebody they’re interested in.
We all know when someone isn’t interested
Although we can’t determine when someone is flirting with us, we can tell if they aren’t interested.
The problem is usually caused by people being open to accepting the truth about a potential relationship if the person they’re interested in doesn’t share the same sentiments as they do.
It’s also easier to identify if a person is not interested in you than if they are.
Science has also supported this claim regarding the various types of flirting. A study conducted by the University of Kansas revealed that there are five different ways to express romantic interest or flirt.
This means that there are no wrong or right ways to flirt. Regardless of what kind of flirting you prefer, it’s still not wrong.
Traditional and withdrawn flirting may work for you, as long as it works for the intended recipient.
The 5 types of flirting and the signs of each type
Understanding the various forms of flirting will help you identify the people that you’re interacting with. Having the proper knowledge about these five types of flirting will also help you find more potential partners.
It’s time to discover the reason behind your flirting style. Yes, there are more ways than one.
Type 1: Traditional flirting
Traditional flirting is the type where men make the initial move. Women, on the other hand, take a back seat.
Women struggle when it comes to this type of flirting as they have to wait for the man to initiate a move. This type of flirting is typically withdrawn and conservative.
When you start taking a while before taking action with someone, you may be flirting as a traditional type.
Some of the signs of traditional flirting include initiating deep conversations, being introverted, taking a long time to make a move, and getting bored of small talk.
The main disadvantage of this type of flirting is that it can make women feel frustrated when men do the initial move.
Type 2: Playful flirting
Playful flirts utilize their flirting skills as a tool. They enjoy spending time flirting with individuals without the desire to commit to a serious relationship.
This type of flirting is commonly seen in social settings such as bars and parties. It’s normal for people to flirt without the intention of committing to a serious relationship. This is a type of flirting that’s very light and fun for women.
Some of the signs that you may see when this type of flirting occurs are teasing, using games and charm, and having casual conversations.
In movies, the playful type of flirting is often seen in the beginning, with one or both parties initiating a casual joke.
Type 3: Physical flirting
This type of flirting is all about physical contact. If you’re an individual who enjoys breaking the boundaries of physical contact, then this is your preferred form of flirting.
This type of flirting involves touching or even rubbing against your body in an apparent or subtle manner. It shows that the person with this type of flirting is serious about you.
People who are physically inclined are more likely to build connections quickly and pick up on other people’s signals of interest.
Physical flirting can make you feel uneasy. The presence of this type of interaction can be easily detected as it involves physical touch.
Physical flirts utilize their hands and show a lot of confidence when around others.
Type 4: Sincere flirting
Being open and honest is the main characteristic of the genuine sincere flirting approach. It involves expressing one’s feelings about an individual.
The goal of genuine flirting is to build a deeper emotional connection with the person you’re interested in.
This type of flirting is not conservative compared to traditional flirting. It involves expressing one’s feelings about an individual.
This type of flirting can be initiated by asking an individual what they’re reading or listening to. It can feel like a genuine friendship has already started.
Cultivating a deeper connection with an individual through genuine flirting involves asking many questions. It can be done in a casual environment like a bookstore or coffee shop.
This is one of the most straightforward and genuine forms of flirting. It’s practically impossible to miss the signs.
Type 5: Polite flirting
This is considered to be the most difficult type of flirting to identify since it involves an individual who is flirting politely. With this approach, one can easily ignore their flirting as it is very subtle.
This type of flirting may seem stiff to others who do not share this approach, but it is a well-mannered way of showing one’s attraction.
Discreetly avoiding physical contact, they will give you ample personal space and make you feel special without using any physical touch.
This can make you feel shy. In some cases, you may not be sure whether they’re actually flirting or just being nice.
Can you be a mix of two types of flirting?
It’s possible to relate to two of the aforementioned flirting types.
We are all complex people, which means that we can have multiple types of flirting at the same time. It’s perfectly normal to indulge in this behavior.
Although not everyone can fit into a single box, having multiple types of flirting is fine. Maybe you find yourself gravitating towards both traditional and genuine flirting, and that’s fine.
Having multiple types of flirting doesn’t make you strange or unusual. It merely means that you are human.
How can you apply this in your dating life?
You can learn more about your flirting tendencies and develop a more effective approach when it comes to finding dates and finding someone you want to be with. In fact, you don’t necessarily need to be serious in order to be successful with this type of flirting.
You can also learn which type of flirting is being used by an individual you’re interested in.
After identifying the type of flirting that you share with the person you’re interested in, you can use this knowledge to enhance your skills and approach them more confidently.
This helps you develop a more confident approach when it comes to flirting with someone you’re interested in. It also helps you avoid feeling awkward about yourself.
Even if the person you’re interested in isn’t showing any interest in you, you can still act in a certain way to attract them.
The key to being successful with a potential partner is using the various body signals that the other person is attracted to. You can:
- Make eye contact.
- Watch your body language, and don’t fidget or cross your arms over your body.
- Nod along when they’re speaking and show you’re listening.
- Smile and laugh!
- Banter with them and make fun of them – just a little…
- Nudge them playfully or touch their arm.
- Use the occasional suggestive comment (and I mean occasional)!
Although flirting may be difficult at times, it’s also fun. With a little practice, you’ll be able to improve and get better results.
So, are there different ways of flirting?
Absolutely! The characteristics of each type of flirting make them stand out from the others.
After identifying the various types of flirting, try to focus on the ones that you’re comfortable with. This will allow you to create a more effective and confident style of flirting.
You don’t need to do anything that you’re not comfortable with when it comes to flirting. Just be yourself and give the other person a few well-thought-out hints.
One of the most fun and innocent ways to approach someone is flirting. It can be a great way to start a relationship or even just make them feel special. Having a good understanding of what flirting is can help you identify the signals that other people are trying to send you.