At some point in one’s life, sexual anxiety will affect everyone. In our society, we have unrealistic expectations about what sex should be like. So, if you’re feeling nervous about it, you’re not alone.
We must stop comparing ourselves to adult film stars and worry less about how our partners will perceive us. This article aims to help you overcome your sexual anxiety.
What is sexual anxiety, and how to know if you have it
Individuals suffering from sexual anxiety typically feel scared or anxious before engaging in sexual activity.
We all experience some form of sexual anxiety at one point or another. For instance, you may have been nervous about something during your first experience with sex.
Some people with sexual anxiety will find it hard to have sex or even avoid it altogether due to their fears.
If you’re experiencing extreme sexual anxiety that’s preventing you from having a satisfying and healthy sexual life, then don’t worry. There is usually a solution to this issue. However, before you can start working on a solution, you need to first identify the cause of your condition.
Why someone might have sexual anxiety
Before you start working on a solution, it’s important that you identify the cause of your anxiety. This will allow you to address the issue and make changes.
1. Body image issues
One of the most common reasons why people suffering from sexual anxiety feel anxious is their body image. If they’re not satisfied with their body, it’s not helping them relax.
It’s also likely that your partner has similar feelings about themselves which is ironic. Just remember that they’re likely thrilled that you want to have sex with them.
2. Sexual dysfunctions
If you’re worried that something might go wrong during intercourse, such as an erectile dysfunction, then you’re likely going to spend a lot of time worrying.
A sexual dysfunction can happen to anyone, and it’s not necessary for you to have a history of this condition.
When it comes to experiencing a sexual dysfunction, it’s usually best to just try and laugh it off. However, if it’s still a persistent issue, you should seek medical help.
3. Past sexual abuse
People who have experienced sexual abuse are prone to developing anxiety. It’s understandable that they would feel anxious.
If it’s still a persistent issue, then it’s important that you seek professional help. This can help you identify the cause of your anxiety and overcome the past.
4. Relationship issues
If you’re having problems with your relationship, then it might be that you’re not feeling confident about having sex. Having issues with trust or being constantly quarrelling could make sex less pleasurable.
Try to work through any issues that you are experiencing with your partner. Doing so will allow you to improve your sex life significantly.
5. Partner compatibility
The issue you’re experiencing with your partner might be caused by you not being compatible with them.
If you’re not compatible, then it’s not possible for you to do anything about it. However, there is a better alternative out there.
6. Fears over what sex means
Maybe you’re not feeling confident about having sex with someone because you’re worried that sex will link you to this person in a relationship. Sex can have different meanings for different people.
This can be a contributing factor to sexual anxiety. It can be dealt with through communication.
7. Performance anxiety
People become anxious before having sex due to how they don’t know if their partner will approve of what they like or have different preferences.
You should also remember that your partner will likely feel the same way.
8. Nervous you won’t enjoy it
Getting nervous before sex may make you feel like you have no idea what to expect, or both of you haven’t found a way to figure each other out.
One of the most important steps in improving your enjoyment of sex is to be fully present during intercourse.
9. You’ve never had sex before
Everyone experiences nervousness before intercourse, regardless of how much they’ve seen or heard from their friends. It is a new experience, and you may not know what to expect. It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious before sex.
How anxiety can get in the way of your sex life
If you’re feeling anxious before sex, it’s likely that you’ll take your mind off the prize, which is having fun. It’s not possible to enjoy the moment because you’re all preoccupied with everything.
If you’re not feeling excited about sex, then your partner might start noticing that you’re not being interested in them. This could cause a huge rift between you.
The longer the anxiety persists, the more it grows. When it remains unresolved, it becomes routine for you, and before you realize it, you start thinking about sex fears. It’s important to remember that sex is meant to be pleasurable.
How to identify your triggers
A journal can help you keep track of what’s happening in your life and what’s causing your anxiety. Whenever you start feeling anxious about sex or any other issue, take a minute to write down everything that’s happening in your life.
Try to do this for a couple of weeks, and then analyze your journal. It’s likely that the pattern will start to emerge, and you can identify your triggers.
After identifying your triggers, you can then try to reduce or face them. In almost all scenarios, facing them is the best option.
How to overcome sexual anxiety
You can finally get over your sexual anxiety by working with your partner. In order to do so, take your time and avoid judging yourself. You’ll be able to improve your sex life significantly as a result of this.
1. Communicate
Keeping your anxiety under wraps will only make it worse, and you should trust whoever you’re sleeping with.
One of the most effective ways to deal with sexual anxiety is by working with your partner. This can only be done if both of you are able to communicate.
2. Take your time
One of the most crucial factors that you can consider when it comes to overcoming sexual anxiety is slowing down. Doing so will allow you to enjoy the pleasure of sex without feeling anxious.
If you have premature ejaculation, then you might want her to give you brief oral sex but stop before you reach your point of no return.
It’s not the end of the world if you can’t control your ejaculation, and you should never lose heart if it happens. With patience and perseverance, it will work for both of you.
3. Focus on pleasure but think outside the box
You both need to put in the effort to satisfy each other. Try performing mutual masturbation as you watch your partner. You’re likely capable of overcoming any sexual anxiety that you may have while you’re at the wheel.
4. Explore yourself with masturbation
Having a good understanding of yourself will allow you to feel less anxious. As much as sexual anxiety can stem from inexperience, you don’t have to have sex with numerous partners to know what makes people feel good.
Experiencing masturbation can provide you with valuable insight into your preferences.
5. Use a cock ring
Cock rings can help alleviate some of the anxiety associated with sex. For men who are worried that they might get too soon ejaculating, these items can provide them with a break from their worries.
A cock ring is placed on while you’re already hard, constricting the blood flow and keeping it hard.
These can also help enhance orgasm. Some people have an extension that can massage your partner’s clitoris, and others have them vibrate. These are great sex toys for couples.
6. Have a drink
Having a glass of wine can help you relax and stop worrying. Your head is full of sexual anxiety, and sometimes just a little bit loosens it all up. Don’t go too far in order to avoid forgetting what happened.
7. Reduce external stress
You should avoid being too focused on the things that can distract you during sex. Some of these include work, taxes, and children.
Although there will always be an item on your mind, try to choose a time when you’ve got some time to get caught up on these distractions.
8. Exercise and diet
Maintaining fitness and eating nutritiously can help boost one’s sexual performance. Having a healthy blood flow can also help decrease anxiety. For optimal results, it’s important that you eat the right food and exercise at least 30 minutes daily.
By taking care of yourself, you can also eliminate any issues that may be causing sexual anxiety.
9. Talk dirty
There are times when it’s necessary to work through one’s sexual anxiety. One way to do this is to engage in dirty talk. It’s not necessary to go all out in order to feel good. Just a few moans and groanings can suffice.
10. Cut down on porn
Performance anxiety and dysfunction can be triggered by an addiction to porn.
Although you may not believe that you are addicted to porn, it’s possible that one of your sexual problems happens when you are alone in front of a screen.
The negative effects of porn on sex are numerous. For an experiment, try to stop viewing and consuming porn for an entire month. During masturbation, you should refrain from using any media except for your imagination.
You’ll be surprised by how much more you can experience during sex, and the results may make you feel uneasy.
11. Fake your confidence
If you’re feeling nervous or have butterflies, then try to fake the confidence. Doing so will help increase the confidence that you’ll feel once you do it. This is the only situation in which being fake is considered appropriate during sex.
You can boost your self-esteem by dressing nicely and giving yourself a bit of TLC. Doing so will make you feel better and boost confidence.
12. Take perfection out of the equation
You should stop assuming that having sex is flawless. It’s not possible to achieve this. If you’re hoping for an incredibly sexy and attractive experience, you have probably seen more than enough porn.
Sometimes, sex can feel awkward and embarrassing. There are certain areas of the body that shouldn’t have strange noises, wet patches, or facial expressions that are just part of the deal.
Too much pressure can lead to a lack of enjoyment during sex. It’s not necessary to have the perfect encounter in order to have fun. Just relax and enjoy the flow.
13. Relaxation techniques
Before you have sex, try taking a break from your busy schedule and practicing meditation and deep breathing. This will help you relax and feel more comfortable.
If you’re expecting a visit from your partner, take a half-hour to get some deep breathing and meditation before they get to your house. Your nerves will start to ease away as you focus on the positive.
14. Focus on non-sexual touch with your partner
If there’s an expectation that everything will end in sex, then it’s likely going to cause you to feel uncomfortable. Instead of focusing on sexual touch, try taking it easy on yourself. This will allow you to touch each other without making it seem like there’s anything more to it.
Over time, you’ll start noticing that you are closer to your partner, and you will no longer be anxious about having sex.
15. Get out of your own head
When things are going well in your relationship, then suddenly your anxieties might pop up and ruin the moment. You have to force yourself to focus on only the physical touch they are giving you.
Keeping an uncomfortable thought process running can cause a wedge between yourself and your partner. It can also affect the quality of your experience.
16. Consider therapy
If you’re experiencing sexual anxiety, then you might want to seek help from a therapist. A therapist is highly trained to help individuals address such issues. They can also identify the underlying cause of the problem.
Getting help from a therapist can be very rewarding and effective when it comes to dealing with emotional or mental issues.
What not to do when you’re feeling nervous
One of the most common mistakes that people make when it comes to dealing with their pre-jiggy jitters is getting drunk. Although it’s perfectly fine to have one drink, you’re not ready for sex if you’re intoxicated.
Consuming alcohol during sex can be as disastrous and messy as your fears would imply, as you will be reliving the experience the following morning. Even just a glass of wine can be considered a fine indulgence, but more than that is not a good idea.
If you’re feeling anxious, don’t push to have sex. If you’re not ready, then don’t do it. There’s a difference between being afraid and being excited.
Trying to push through when you’re not ready is not a good practice for learning how to be comfortable with sex. Instead, try talking to your partner about what’s causing your anxiety. You might not want to do it, but that’s also fine.
One of the biggest issues that people have with sex is that they tend to focus too much on how it should be. This can take away from the excitement of the experience.
When you’re with someone who you care about, having sex should be a fun and uplifting experience that will bring you closer together. Whether it’s through laughter or just because it felt epically moving, both of you may have had trouble breathing at the end.
There are so many things that go into sex that it cannot be done wrong. If you’re feeling anxious, it’s time to stop focusing on the negative and focus on the positive aspects of the experience.
Why sex isn’t the be-all and end-all
We spend a lot of time thinking about sex, but it’s not always the most important thing in life. If your nerves are holding you back, it’s fine. Try to focus on increasing the tension, flirting, and reaching a point where you are ready to have sex.
Having sex can be great for both of you as it allows you to get to know each other better and create a deeper bond.
If you’re having a relatively minor disaster during your first experience, then just laugh it off. Sex is now considered seriously, and it’s very funny to think about it.
Don’t let your nerves hold you back, enjoy the moment, and don’t worry if it goes wrong. You can always rely on your sense of humour.
Having sexual anxiety can take away from the fun of the experience. However, if you’re able to set your mind to it and work together, then your next performance will be even better.