Have you ever had a problem with how hard it is to hear what your partner is saying? It’s not because you’re not able to hear properly, but because you have a hard time listening to what they’re saying. This can be solved by learning how to become a better listener.
It’s surprising that there are so many couples who have difficulty communicating effectively. This issue typically leads to relationship problems. Being able to master this skill is very important in order to avoid getting into trouble.
Are you a bad listener?
This often occurs when one or both of you can’t express yourself properly. It can also be caused by the lack of value you’ve placed on what your partner is saying.
Being good at communicating is very important, and it starts with being able to listen to what your partner is saying.
A couple can only last if they are able to develop their relationship’s communication skills. This involves being able to listen to each other’s opinions and thoughts. Being able to identify each other’s needs is also very important in order to maintain a positive relationship.
If you are not getting through to your partner, then the issue lies in your lack of ability to listen. This is because they are saying something in different ways or expressing themselves in a way that doesn’t resonate with you.
How can listening help your relationship?
Although you may believe that listening is effortless because you just sit and “listen”, you’re failing at this and your partner will fell unheard unless you actively engage with what your partner is talking about and rememeber what they say.
Listening is very important in order to establish a positive relationship. It involves being able to listen to their thoughts and feelings, and the minute you don’t give them this, they will be able to tell.
You will not be able to determine what your partner is asking you if you do not listen.
Being able to listen is also important in order to maintain communication. When conflict arises, it is necessary for you to listen to both their words and their non-words.
Listening can make your partner feel loved, appreciated, understood, and viewed all at once.
What are the things that your partner wants to tell you?
Being able to identify your partner’s concerns is very important in order to develop a better communication. Before you start talking about anything, it’s important that you have a good idea what your partner might want to talk about.
Although everyone has their own billion thoughts about what they would like to discuss with their partner, there are certain topics that are more common in relationships.
1. The little things
These include chores, requests, and short narratives about their day. Although these may seem insignificant at first, paying attention to them will go a long way in helping your partner feel valued.
If you’re not paying attention to the small details, how will you react when the big ones come? You don’t have to fuss over what your partner is saying, but showing them that you care is already sufficient.
2. Their feelings
Regardless of how good you are at expressing yourself or how expressive you are, listening is all about your partner’s feelings, and if you can’t do this, then you have no chance of improving your communication skills.
They may feel resentful and unwanted if you imply that you are indifferent towards their feelings.
Being able to talk about feelings is a privilege in a relationship. It can help strengthen your bond and allow you to get to know the person you are with better.
3. Their doubts
If you are having issues with communication, then your partner might feel that you are not interested in their issues. You could also make them feel that you are not worried about their situation.
People will not open up if they know that their partner will receive invalidation or distance. This means that learning how to be a better listener would require you to be willing and open to your partner.
4. Their complaints
A partner might feel that you are doing something that is not right in their eyes, and they will start complaining about you.
By carefully listening, you can determine if your partner is right or if they are wrong. If they are wrong, you can try to fix the issue together.
You cannot find a compromise between you and your partner if you do not listen to them right away. Also, don’t assume that they are always nagging. They are opening up about their issues in order to share their concerns with you.
5. Their appreciation
One of the most painful things that you can do to a partner is ignore their expressions of love for you. They may be saying how much they love you or complimenting you without being respectful.
You can end up causing them to stop caring completely if you fail to listen to or validate their feelings. They will start feeling like they have no value in the relationship, and they will stop trying to do anything to improve it.
How can you become a better listener?
You can start improving your skills by learning what to look for and how to listen to your partner. It’s not just about being able to remember what your partner said, but it’s also about being able to respond appropriately to their concerns.
1. Hear them
You have to be aware of what your partner is saying to you in order to listen properly. If you are not paying attention to what they are saying, stop whatever you are doing and focus on what you are listening to. Then, tell them that you will get back to them soon.
One of the most crucial factors to keep in mind when it comes to developing a better listenership skills in a relationship is to pay attention to what your partner is saying.
If they don’t feel valued, you’re already invalidating their feelings. Miscommunication can occur when a person gets caught up in their own doing and doesn’t realize that their partner’s talking to them.
It takes a few seconds for you to let your partner know that you’re planning on being with them. You know, they can’t read your mind.
2. Apologize
If you didn’t hear them the first time, try to make amends and try to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future.
If your partner is telling you that something went wrong in your actions, then take the opportunity to apologize.
Don’t just listen to their complaints about your shortcomings. Instead, show them that you are genuinely sorry and vow to do better. Being a better listener can be achieved by apologizing whenever they feel inadequate, whether they acknowledge you or not.
3. Make a note of what your partner is saying
You should also write down the things that you’re forgetting. If they are complaining about you not being able to listen to their concerns and remembering stuf, then write things down or try setting an alarm on your computer or mobile device so you don’t forget.
This discipline will help prevent you from forgetting anything that your partner just said. It’s also about being accountable for your ability to listen to their concerns.
4. Understand what they are saying
Apart from knowing the language that you and your partner use, you also have to think about the impact of what they’re saying. In addition, you must be able to help them if they’re talking about a problem.
Being a good listener requires you to pay attention to the cues that your partner is trying to communicate to you. Even though the words may not be said out loud, try to identify what they’re actually saying.
5. Do not give unsolicited advice
It is imperative to wait for your partner to approach you for assistance, and when they refuse to do so, make an effort to ask them if they require it. Some individuals require an ear to hear, and your partner is one of them.
Before you give them advice, make sure that they’re looking for someone who can listen to them or someone who can provide them with guidance. If they’re looking for someone who can give them advice, then that’s all that you need to know.
In order to become a better listener and learn how to be a more balanced person in a relationship, you should never give your partner unsolicited advice. Instead, you should learn how to listen to and speak with them when needed.
6. Do not interrupt them
It can be hard to remember what the person is saying if you interrupt them while they’re speaking. It can also be rude, as your partner might resent you for doing so. Therefore, whenever you have something to say, wait until they stop talking.
You may feel offended if they interrupt you while you speak, and we presume that you would find it hard to appreciate it. If you aspire to be a good listener in a relationship, you should refrain from interrupting your partner. They should refrain from talking until they have finished their sentences.
7. Acknowledge what they are saying
You should never ignore your partner while they’re talking. Instead, make an effort to acknowledge them by saying anything that’s appropriate or expressing your enthusiasm.
Your partner will know that you’re interested in their conversation if you show them that you’re paying attention. These simple body language signals can help them keep going and keep you engaged.
8. Do your best to give them what they need
If your partner requests something from you, try to remember it. However, if it is something that you cannot do for them, inform them of your reasons and show them how you made the decision. However, if their request is merely a minimum requirement, then at least give it to them.
Maybe they’re just asking for more time with you or they’re hoping that you’ll open up more. In this case, it’s important that you try to be better. It’s likely that they took a lot of courage to open up about their issues.
9. Finish your conversations
You should never leave a conversation if it’s not yet finished. Make sure that the topic of the conversation is resolved before it ends. Also, avoid assuming that the entire exchange is over and just walk away.
They may have more things to say, but they’ll probably not bother if you’re already out the door. With that in mind, don’t be worried if they decide to end their conversation on their own. You should also remember what has already been said.
If you’re serious about being a better listener in your relationship, then don’t end a conversation. Instead, wait for them to indicate that it’s over.
10. Keep your temper in check
Regardless of what the other person says, think before reacting. If they’re not capable of handling their temper, avoid reacting the same way. Instead, try to remain calm to resolve any issues that you may be experiencing.
It’s generally not advisable to attempt to rile up your partner when they’re aggressive or angry. As long as it’s already bad enough, don’t try to exacerbate it. Instead, remain calm and collected during a heated situation.
11. Avoid distractions
One of the most important rules that you should follow when it comes to being a better listener is to avoid using your phone during the course of a conversation. This will ensure that you don’t hurt your partner by talking to them while you’re distracted.
You have to put away your phone and focus on your partner as you listen. This is a crucial part of being a good communicator and listener.
12. Make eye contact
Being a good listener and communicator requires eye contact, and it is the most intimate act that you can perform in a relationship. Not only does it make your partner feel heard and acknowledged, but it also increases their confidence in you.
Whenever they’re talking about their feelings, you can provide them with a sense of reassurance that you care. Instead of looking away, take the opportunity to look at their eyes.
13. Match their energy
One of the most important factors that you can consider when it comes to being a better listener is your partner’s energy. In order to make them feel valued and included, you must match their enthusiasm.
Your response should be positive, as it shows that you care about what your partner is saying. Instead of being boring, try to be more caring.
14. Process their words
A statement of apology would not suffice if your partner opens up about the things you did wrong. You must process every word they are saying, including the ones they are not saying.
After you have processed their words, realize what they’re trying to say, and make changes, you’ll become a better person.
If you’re aware of an issue, then try to make amends and change the way you communicate. Doing so will help improve the quality of your relationship.
It’s time to really listen
You have taken the first step toward becoming a better listener, and all it takes is effort to carry out the work.
Being able to acknowledge and support your partner’s feelings is very important, even if you don’t understand them or think their issues are insignificant.
You can easily learn how to be a better listener and communicator in a relationship with these tips.