Many women will tell you that a guy is okay but they think he was just too nice. Even though you may be the most charming individual in the room, some women may feel that there’s no chase or challenge when you’re too nice or when you’re suffering from the nice guy syndrome. This is the reason why there are no second dates.
If you’ve ever been accused of being too nice, it’s likely that you are.
Being labeled as the nice guy can be frightening for most men. It can also cause them to get trampled by other people. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid this. Instead of being too nice, try being someone that women find interesting and irresistible.
Your goal shouldn’t be to be a jerk to women. Instead, it’s important to understand the dynamics of the relationship between men and women.
Although it’s not an ideal situation, you can still get through it. In spite of how genuinely nice you are, there are still ways that you can prevent yourself from getting rejected.
Psychology of a nice guy
Before we get into more detail, let us first make it clear that a nice guy is a great guy. He’s the ideal guy for all women.
The definition of a nice guy is someone who is just a little extra. You’ll know who he is when you meet him.
A nice guy is someone who goes the extra mile to be helpful to others. Unfortunately, this type of guy is not sincere. He’s just eager to please others.
This type of guy is hoping that other people will like him more. His neediness and clingy behavior are so extreme that he’s almost always a pushover.
This type of guy is also angry with the world and with himself. He doesn’t feel that he’s being appreciated despite his efforts to be more likable.
You’ve probably come across this type of guy yourself. If not, could you be this guy?
What is the “nice guy” syndrome?
If you’re suffering from the condition known as “nice guy syndrome,” then take immediate action.
This condition occurs when men have a lack of self-confidence and assume that they have to be everything that other people need.
There are also covert nice men. These are individuals who try too hard to gain women’s attention, and when their efforts are not appreciated, they get offended.
Most of the time, nice guys are actually too nice. Unfortunately, they lack confidence and are often unable to get the love they deserve.
Being too nice can be damaging. Although being nice when warranted is fine, doing it all the time can be damaging.
What makes you a nice guy?
Being too nice can also be damaging, as it can lead to low self-esteem.
A person lacks confidence when it comes to expressing their desires and letting others take it as they wish. Instead, they tend to overcompensate and perform extra-nice acts for others.
Doing so may lead to them liking you back in a similar way.
The opposite is true, as many women will perceive you as a doormat if you act this way. They will think that you’re a great guy to hang out with and call whenever they want somebody.
Because of the condition known as “nice guy syndrome,” women may not consider you an attractive man. If you’re too nice to other people, then you’re not doing what you want to do.
How can you tell that you’re being a nice guy too often?
It can be hard to determine whether you should learn how to stop being too nice. Although being nice isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s about moderation.
You only need to identify a problem with your behavior to learn how to stop being too nice. Take a minute to ask yourself if you always do all that is needed for others and nothing for yourself.
Try to determine if your intentions are altruistic or if you’re simply trying to get people to like or do something for you. Are women always telling you that you’re a nice person? If so, have you ever been friend-zoned?
If you’re still being too nice, then it’s time to learn how to stop. Although it’s not necessary to throw out your good behavior, it’s still important to be more tough.
Signs of a nice guy and examples of nice guy syndrome
Although you may believe that you can identify a good guy by the label “nice,” in reality, you may not be able to.
Some men may think that being nice is a badge of honor. But there are signs that indicate that being too nice may be damaging.
1. Brags about his own kindness
He or she has to let others know how nice he or she is. The things he or she says about themselves show that they would help others at any time.
A person who is kind to others doesn’t have to brag about it. On the other hand, a nice guy does.
2. Calls himself a nice guy
Some people even refer to themselves as “nice guys.” These individuals will often say things like, “People refer to me as a nice guy all the time,” or “I’m a nice guy, so of course, I’ll help you.” It makes one wonder why somebody would do this.
3. Makes rejection a moral issue
Rejection is a common issue that everyone experiences, but it has a special significance for a nice guy.
A nice guy may believe that someone who rejects him is unethical. He claims that he’s better than them because he’s genuinely nice.
4. Has problems with empathy or sympathy
A lot of people may be scratching their heads as to why a nice guy would have problems with sympathy or empathy. If he is genuinely nice, then he would not have these issues.
5. Puts down people who reject him
Because of his hatred for rejection, a nice guy would often criticize and put down those who have rejected him. He might even call them names such as losers or sluts. This is considered a major component of the nice guy disorder.
6. Believes girls owe him sex because he’s nice
A nice guy may believe that he is better than the bad boy, which makes women want to have sex with him. He believes that if a woman is treated well, she will be more likely to fall in love with him.
7. He’s manipulative
If you haven’t noticed, the various things we’ve talked about in this article are quite manipulative. To convince others that he’s a good guy, he has to fake his front.
8. He gets put in the friend zone but hates it
He’s aware of the saying, “nice guys finish last.” He’s aware that some women put him in the friend zone frequently. He secretly doesn’t like it.
9. Thinks basic decency makes him a catch
The last symptom of the nice guy disorder is that he thinks that his good behavior is enough. He may open doors for others, pay for their meals, and be nice to servers. These are typical gestures that people should perform.
He believes that doing these actions will turn him into a type of superhero that women should be worshipping.
Why should you stop being a nice guy?
Being nice is not considered to be bad when it’s done in moderation. After all, being mean to others is not acceptable.
However, being too nice can be considered a problem. It’s because you’re trying to get people to like you.
People are not drawn to you due to who you are. They’re not interested in you because of who you are, instead they want what you’re giving them.
You may be on the way to becoming dependent, and that’s not a good place to be.
How to stop being the nice guy
You may have been labeled as a “nice guy” once, but that label doesn’t always hold true. Here are some tips that will help you get over the nice guy syndrome.
1. Know the signs
If you’re thinking that you might be Mr. Nice Guy, then it’s time to examine the signs.
By learning about the signs, you can take the necessary steps to transform from being labeled as a nice guy to being a man who can land a second date without asking any questions.
2. Admit you’re Mr. Nice Guy
Although this may cost you in ego, you have nothing to lose since you haven’t been getting any dates. It’s time to admit that you are Mr. Nice Guy.
After you’ve gotten over the initial shock of discovering that you are a nice guy, you can start working on changing the title that you have earned.
Take a couple of days and enjoy some ice cream, watch Rocky, and then get back to work.
3. What do you do that fits the stereotype?
Some of the main actions that you can perform that negatively affect women’s interest are passive-aggressive behavior and being too needy.
Being too needy and passive-aggressive can negatively affect women’s interest. If they don’t like it, you’ll not be able to attract any potential partners.
4. Stop being predictable
When a guy’s behavior deviates from the norm, a woman can see it before he even tells them.
It’s all about his actions. For instance, if you’re constantly texting your girlfriend, then suddenly change up your routine.
5. Stop lavishing her with gifts
Who thought that giving flowers, chocolates, and a Teddy bear on first dates was a good idea? It’s not necessary, and it can get a little bit much.
Although you may try your best to impress your potential partner on a first date, chances are that you won’t be able to score a second one. You don’t need to give her gifts, which makes it look desperate.
6. Lay off the neediness
If you’re a person who doesn’t have your own life, then make it appear like you do. People don’t want to be around clingers.
Nothing is worse than being on the receiving end of a guy who refuses to leave even after being asked.
If you’re interested in her, then you’ll have to show that you’re a person who takes care of yourself. However, she’s not the only thing that you’re living on.
7. Say no
You’re probably not one to say no to women. Even when they do something cute, you still say “okay.”
Today, women are demanding a man, and men are expected to say no. This means that you have to set boundaries in order to avoid falling into the stereotype of the nice guy.
Although you don’t have to be brutally honest, you must be able to say no if she asks you to do something that you do not want to do.
One should never say yes to everything in order to please her. Her perception of desirability is influenced by your personal boundaries.
8. Stop being too available
You can hang out with her at any time of the day or week, which is a problem. You also have other things to do.
She’s aware that you would bail out of all your commitments to see her if she calls. Instead, commit to making plans ahead of time so that she’ll have to wait another day.
Contrary to popular belief, spending too much time with a woman will not make you more attractive. It will show her that you’re desperate and clingy.
While you should hang out with her, you should also take time away from her to take care of your own interests and hobbies.
9. Create some challenge
Don’t text or call her whenever she expects it. This will enable her to see that the pattern has changed and that something isn’t right.
She may start to suspect that there’s someone else around, which is great. This can make her more competitive.
10. You can be bad
You may want to be a bad boy, though you’re a little nervous about doing so. If you’re not hurting anybody, why shouldn’t you be the one to be bad?
You don’t have to be rude to people when they go by or egg someone’s house to be considered a bad boy. The good energy within comes from within, and you only need to dig deep to become a bad boy.
11. Go outside of your comfort zone
Women prefer men who are more adventurous and have a passion for exploring new things.
If you’re still not getting a girl after spending hours playing video games on your couch, then it’s time to change your lifestyle.
You can break free from your nice guy syndrome by going outside of your comfort zone.
12. Give her breathing space
You can start a conversation with her, but she’ll continue talking if she likes you. If you’re constantly calling and texting her, she won’t be interested in you.
It’s perfectly fine to try to play hard to get. Women like to be challenged.
13. Get used to confrontation
If you allow them to walk all over you, most women will do so in an attempt to see how far you’ll be willing to go with them. You must say no when they walk out of the line, which could lead to an argument.
You don’t have to be afraid to argue with a girl you like. She will likely respond to you with an understanding of the line that’s drawn.
14. Say what you want
You should be brave enough to speak your mind even though you’re uncertain if the girl you’re interested in will approve.
Not being able to express yourself is what causes you to become boring and dull. This is the condition that leads to the development of the nice guy syndrome. You will end up like a lap dog that follows a girl around.
Women find it refreshing to talk to honest men. If you’re interested in going on a date with a girl, make sure that you ask her first. You don’t want to be friends with her, so you should only approach her after you’ve already decided that you want to go on a date.
You have to be upfront and honest with her. Otherwise, you will be playing yourself.
15. You don’t always need approval
Being Mr. Nice Guy is not a bad thing. It’s something that the world needs more of.
Unfortunately, being Mr. Nice Guy doesn’t always work out when other people are around you all the time, which is why it’s important that you don’t need to be an approval-seeking person.
16. Gain confidence
You need to improve your confidence and self-esteem. This is the main reason why many nice guys tend to try too hard to get noticed by women.
Your well-being and self-esteem are directly linked to your relationships. Having a healthy relationship is about setting boundaries and being able to be with your partner as equals.
This involves establishing boundaries and improving one’s self-esteem. Doing this, in effect, labels you as a bad boy compared to Mr. Nice Guy.
You are an excellent person, and being with somebody who values you will prove that.
17. Put yourself first
One crucial mistake that nice guys make is placing the girl first.
Placing the girl first allows her to walk all over you. You must also know that you value yourself, and you won’t put yourself above her.
If you’re interested in pursuing a variety of hobbies, then do so. If you’re trying to stop being a nice guy, then don’t lower yourself for anyone else.
18. Take conversations slowly
If you’re a fast talker, then it’s time to slow down. Even though you may be nervous, you don’t want to rush through a conversation.
A couple of deep breaths can help you enjoy the conversation. Speeding up can also lead to a loss of mystery.
19. Keep your expectations to a minimum
Some men tend to get what they want because they’re not expecting anything in return. Don’t assume that she’ll agree to go on a date or that you’ll get laid.
Expecting nothing in return can help you relax and put yourself in a better state of mind. This is one of the most important steps in the process of stopping being a nice guy.
20. Don’t overcompensate
As for Mr. Nice Guys and frat bros, they share a common issue: overcompensation. As a rule of thumb, you’re likely aware of this problem as a gentleman.
You should avoid becoming a complete jerk. Overcompensation can lead you to extremes.
21. Keep apologies to a minimum
If you’re trying to put an end to the nice guy syndrome, then stop apologizing all the time. However, this doesn’t mean that you should never apologize.
If you’re caught doing something wrong, then say sorry. But, instead of repeatedly apologizing for the error, try apologizing for the reason why it happened.
Being too apologetic is not sexy, and it can actually make you feel suffocated. It’s important to apologize for when it’s necessary to stop being a good guy.
22. Set your own schedule
We sometimes make changes in our lives for people we like. But, you should never change your schedule to accommodate somebody else.
Even though you may want to make time for them, you should also live by your schedule. This will allow you to show her that you’re independent.
23. You can be nice, but don’t take your eyes off the prize
A person who trained for a year and then stopped to pick up an individual who failed to finish the race will not be the winner.
You can’t be last if you focus on your objectives and don’t get carried away by making decisions that are not in your best interests.
It is not your job to look after the world. Instead, it is your responsibility to look after yourself.
24. Don’t be afraid to call in favors
Being too nice can put you in a pushover position. Although you can be nice, make sure that you treat people with respect.
Indiscriminately treating people who don’t have your back or won’t give you back is not acceptable. You should only approach those who are invested in you, and you should also be willing to ask for the same level of kindness from others.
25. Voice your opinion when necessary
Being a good guy doesn’t mean that you can’t share the truth. If you have a valid opinion, then speak up. Being able to address an issue is not a way to be mean.
Whether you’re at work or in your private life, expressing yourself is not a negative thing. It shows that you’re valuable and real to the team.
26. Remember that nice isn’t the opposite of competitive
If you’re secretly interested in winning over someone or getting a job promotion, then being competitive isn’t a bad thing.
You can be both competitive and nice at the same time. If you’re hoping to convince someone to choose you over someone else, then being both competitive and nice is acceptable.
Being competitive is not about being nice. It’s about working hard to achieve what you want. If you play by the rules and don’t do anything that is underhanded or cunning, then it’s fine to go for it.
27. Take charge and make decisions
One of the biggest mistakes that good guys make is allowing the lady to make all the decisions.
You may believe that you’re being courteous and gentlemanly by letting her lead the way, but your actions show weakness and indecisiveness.
Gentlemen, take charge. You decide where to meet, whether you prefer to eat at a la carte or a buffet, and when and where to go next.
You should tell her that she’s in the presence of a man who is a long-term partner and an alpha male.
28. Learn to listen
One of the most important factors that you should consider when it comes to being with a woman is being interested in what she’s saying. It allows her to feel important and lets you reflect on what’s to come.
It shows that you’re willing to take on opinions that others may have. Being able to speak up is also a sign that you’re confident and manly.
29. Quit complaining
Some good guys habitually complain about how unfair their employers are.
They often talk about how the dog of their neighbor keeps them up at night, how nobody understands them, and various other such issues.
Guys, you are being an absolute drip. She’ll likely conclude that she’s merely been on a date with somebody who’s younger than you.
30. Be a rock
A real man is capable of handling emotional issues at all times. Unlike the idealized qualities of gentlemanly individuals, real men do not cry and seek approval.
Real men don’t let other people’s attitude or behavior bother them. They take it all in stride.
They are naturally gregarious, but they never exhaust themselves in their pursuit of attention or approval. They also give equal time to all aspects of their lives.
This is unlike the kind of man who would do anything to ruin the lives of others when he encounters a woman of his dreams.
31. Physical awareness
Although it’s important to look good in order to attract a woman, you don’t want to come across as being vain.
Displaying too much self-grooming, including constantly looking in mirrors, making hasty alterations to your clothes, and posing provocatively is damaging.
If one were to ask, most people would blame one’s arrogance for such behavior.
Your subconscious mind will trigger alarm bells if you’re not feeling confident. This will alert your significant other to this issue.
32. Fit in bro time
It’s easy to approach a girl and ask for everything in exchange for her because you’re hoping she’ll see you as a great boyfriend. But, don’t do it. Rather than asking for everything, schedule some time with her.
This shows that you have a different life from the one that’s been trying to woo her. She’ll want to know what’s going on in your life away from her.
It can help you feel better, as it allows us to bond with our friends.
Don’t lose your basic niceness
You may believe that your favorable attributes hold you back from attaining what you desire. The truth is that being nice is never a bad thing, as long as you don’t allow it to hurt yourself.
You should remain who you are, thinking that it is your basic good that keeps you out of trouble. You do not want to become the person who has cheated, hurt, or made you feel inferior.
It’s not necessary to change who you are. Just redefine what it means to be nice. Being nice is different from being the nice guy. While it is desirable to be kind, it is also forbidden to let others exploit your generosity.
You should never lose your essence because of how you think being kind, honest, and fair can get you in trouble.
The main reason why people keep coming back is due to the fear of being too self-centered and putting their own needs first.
There are plenty of ways to be a good guy without being Mr. Nice Guy. Follow these simple steps and you’ll be on your way to finding a partner who matches your preferences.