During the early days of your relationship, your passion might have set off a fire alarm. Now, you’re sitting here, scrolling through the articles, and it’s like, where did all that fire go? This question is often asked, as it relates to having more sex.
We’re about to bust the myth of magic numbers and reveal what truly matters to you and your partner.
Real Talk about Frequency
Unfortunately, life can sometimes get in the way of our plans. We tend to put off our desires when it comes to sex due to our busy schedules.
Before we dive into deeper explorations into real-world solutions, we must first discuss the cause of frequency variations.
1. Life Gets in the Way
You’re juggling several meetings a day, working your ass off, doing some errands after office and trying to watch a new Netflix show.
The more you spend time on daily tasks, the less you’ll want to engage with your partner. Unfortunately, life can take its toll on your energy and divert you from being intimate.
2. New Love vs. Old Love
You may have experienced the early days of your relationship when you couldn’t keep your hands off one another. But, now, you’re more likely to indulge in a tub of ice cream instead of a passionate exchange.
Although it’s normal to experience dips in frequency as a relationship matures, it’s important to maintain the spark even if it isn’t as intense as it once was.
3. Long-Distance Relationships
Navigating a relationship in different time zones can be challenging, especially when it comes to increasing sex. Aside from scheduling the perfect romantic rendezvous, you also need to resolve issues with unreliable Wi-Fi.
4. Physical Health Problems
One of the most important factors that you and your partner should consider when it comes to frequency is your physical health.
If you’re suffering from a back or ankle injury, it can prevent you from being intimate with your partner. These circumstances may make it less important to be intimate.
5. Low Libidos
Trying to figure out how to increase sex frequency can be a frustrating experience. Sometimes, the desire just doesn’t exist.
Some of the reasons may be hormonal imbalance or stress. Being able to acknowledge the issue is the first step in addressing it.
Why a Lack of Sex Might Be Terrible for Your Relationship
Although it’s not always possible to determine exactly how often sex should be performed, a significant drop in frequency can be a sign that something is not right in your relationship.
Before you panic, take a minute to consider the possible reasons why your partner’s lack of intimacy could be damaging.
1. Emotional Disconnect
If you’re not getting enough time to be intimate, it’s possible that your partner’s emotional closeness is being affected. Physical intimacy is a vital aspect of a relationship and can serve as a way to gauge the health of the couple.
In order to have more sex, you need to maintain an emotional connection.
2. Stress Build-Up
Satisfying one’s sexual urges can relieve stress. If one or both partners in a relationship are constantly stressed, this can lead to issues that affect the relationship.
Having sex is not only about how often it’s appropriate, but also how one can manage their stress levels.
3. Reduced Relationship Satisfaction
Not being able to satisfy your partner can affect their happiness and cause other issues in the relationship.
When talking about having more sex, you’re also talking about improving the quality of the relationship for both of you.
4. Fear of Infidelity
Although it doesn’t directly cause infidelity, a partner might become more susceptible to feelings of satisfaction from external sources.
Discussing the appropriate amount of sex can help build trust and decrease feelings of insecurity.
How to Have More Sex
In this section, we’ll talk about the various reasons why a sexual drought might not be ideal for your relationship. We’ll then delve into the fun part of having more sex.
We’re not only talking about sex. We’re also talking about the quality of the relationship as well as the possibility that your Google Calendar could be an accomplice.
1. Syncing Calendars
Although planning sex may not seem like a romantic activity, it’s important to do what’s necessary when things get chaotic in life.
Having a synchronized calendar helps both of you know when each other is available, which can help cut down on missed opportunities.
2. Small Gestures Matter
A few seconds of affection can make a big difference in maintaining intimacy. Even a brief hug or an unexpected compliment can help strengthen the bond.
Developing anticipation and maintaining emotional closeness can be key components of having more sex.
3. Keeping It Fresh
Although routine may be comforting, it can also negatively affect your mood. Having a change of scenery or experimenting with something new can help reinvigorate your sexual connection, making it feel like a pleasure instead of a chore.
Differentiation can make a big difference when it comes to having more sex.
4. Communication Is Key
Discussing your concerns and desires is important if you’re stuck in a rut. This can help improve the quality of intimacy in the relationship.
Having clear communication helps you understand each other’s wants and needs, which can lead to a more satisfying sexual life.
5. Prioritize Intimacy
There are times when the desire to be intimate may need a little push. By being focused on intimacy, you’re able to make an intentional decision to allocate time with each other, leading to more sexual activity.
This is a vital technique when it comes to increasing sexual frequency.
6. Mindfulness Practices
Being present and slow can enhance the quality of your sexual experiences. This goes beyond how often is enough.
7. Physical Health and Fitness
Getting in shape can help boost your confidence and stamina, which are vital for having more sex.
8. Exploring Fantasies and Kinks
Exploring one another’s sexual preferences can provide both of you with new levels of curiosity and excitement. This is about being able to make each moment count.
9. Flirt Like It’s Day One
It’s time to bring back the energy that you used to have in your relationship. Try sending playful notes or using emojis in your DMs.
The initial excitement of a relationship may have been suffocated by chores and binges on Netflix. Some playful banter may ignite the spark that you were missing, leading to an increased chance of finding yourself and your partner more interested in each other.
10. Expressive Communication
We previously talked about the importance of open communication. Even though a text message saying “we need to talk” can send people into a panic, it’s still important to talk about your needs in an open manner.
One of the most important factors that you can consider when it comes to increasing the frequency of sex in your relationship is having a clear understanding of each other’s needs.
11. Use Technology
Even though your life is chaotic and work is crazy, you can still have a risqué call or send an explicit text message.
This can keep the sexual tension in the relationship alive and allow both of you to look forward to being together more often. This is great for couples who are having trouble deciding how often they should have sex.
12. Plan for Spontaneity
If you’re both swamped, then why not try scheduling a “nothing” afternoon? An unstructured Saturday could become an eventful day.
Sometimes, in the modern world, it’s necessary to be spontaneous in order to have more sexual encounters.
13. Physical Touch Outside the Bedroom
While you’re watching a movie on the couch, reach over and hold her hand. You could also offer her a back rub.
The mere act of being intimate can make one feel more connected to the other person, and it can lead to more sexual activities. It’s a natural progression from “How cute are we?” to “How often should we have sex?”
14. Set the Mood
The bedroom may not inspire romance if it looks like a laundromat has just exploded. Creating an inviting bedroom environment can make both of you want to spend more time there.
This sensory and visual nudge encourages couples to explore ways to enhance sexual encounters.
15. Check-ups and Professional Help
Sometimes, sexual inactivity can be caused by psychological or medical issues. In these cases, assistance from a professional may be helpful.
It’s also important to talk about the underlying issues that may be affecting the frequency of sex.
Signs That You’re Not Getting Enough Sex
Although there are various strategies to increase sexual encounters, how can you tell if your level of intimacy is at the lower end?
There are also signs that suggest that it’s time to boost the frequency of sexual encounters.
1. You Don’t Feel the Need to Remain Groomed
If you’re not getting enough sexual encounters, then it could be that your grooming habits are taking a backseat. This could be a sign that you’re not reaching your desired level of intimacy.
2. Decreased Emotional Connection
Are you and your partner becoming more like roommates rather than romantic partners? A drop in emotional intimacy can be linked to a lack of sexual activity.
If you’re not feeling emotionally close to each other, then it might be time to talk about the frequency of sex.
3. Increased Irritability
Sexual frustration can manifest as irritability, and it could be caused by a lack of intimacy. If you’re constantly complaining about trivial things, then your partner might be experiencing a lack of intimacy.
4. Sexual Daydreaming
Your brain might be telling you that there’s a need for more sexual activity in your life, if you find yourself constantly daydreaming about sex.
5. A Sudden Interest in “Alone Time”
While it’s important to take care of yourself, if you’re not feeling like being with your partner is as appealing as it once was, then it may be time to reassess the frequency of sex.
6. Feeling Physically Uncomfortable
Some people experience physical discomfort due to a lack of sex. Your body may be signaling that it’s time to engage in more sexual activities, such as increased tension and sleeping issues.
How Much Sex Is Just Right?
We’ve covered the topic of increasing sexual encounters, but are you really getting enough? In order to determine the right amount, we’ll need to know each other’s wavelength.
1. Your Ideal Number
Contrary to what you read in a magazine, your partner’s lifestyle and desires dictate the frequency of sex that you should have. You can determine if you’re getting enough by looking at the signs above.
2. Compatibility Check
While your partner may enjoy weekly rendezvous, you may be more inclined to want daily intimacy. You have to find a middle ground.
Through open communication, you and your partner can determine the frequency of sex that’s right for you.
3. Your Body, Your Rules
Your body has the ability to determine how much sex you should have. If you’re constantly exhausted, then it might be time to reassess the frequency of sex.
When setting out your schedule for intimacy, it’s important to consider both your emotional and physical needs.
Sexual Frequency Myths We Gotta Cancel
We’ll be talking about some of the myths that can make people second-guess their sexual preferences.
Some of these myths are about saying that having more sex automatically equates to a happier life, or that it’s a cause for alarm whenever one is not getting enough.
1. The Happier Myth
Although having more sex may seem like a great idea on paper, life isn’t about math. Having more sex can help boost your happiness, but it’s not the sole reason why people are happy. There are various ways that fulfillment can occur without sex being a significant factor.
2. The Problematic Less-Sex Myth
This notion holds that a partner’s decreased sexual frequency is a red flag that something is not right in the relationship. While it is true that this can be a sign of issues, it is not always the case. As a couple goes through periods, sexual activity may only decrease during a season.
3. The Compatibility Myth
Are you constantly hearing that if you’re not having sex at least once a week, then you’re not compatible? Compatibility goes beyond mere sexual frequency, and it also encompasses intellectual and emotional realms. So, don’t let any dry spells prevent you from finding out if your partner is right for you.
4. The Age-Related Myth
There’s also a misconception that as people get older, their sexual drive will diminish. Although it’s true that certain physical changes can affect one’s libido, age does not directly correlate to sex frequency. Having more sex may be beneficial for some people, especially those who are in their golden years.
Forget the Sex Numbers, Focus on the Connection
There are many factors that go into finding a fulfilling relationship, and it’s not about numbers. It involves intellectual, emotional, and physical compatibility.
Fulfilling relationships require a balance between the two of you. This is not about keeping a score, but rather nurturing each other.
Don’t focus on the numbers when it comes to sexual frequency or how often you should have sex. Instead, consider the connection between yourself and your partner.