The sexual energy that you and your partner have when you’re with someone for a long time starts to diminish. Some people assume that this is normal, and they stop asking themselves how to be better lovers.
It doesn’t have to be like that. The key is to keep the flame burning. You may have thought that having sex would be effortless, but that’s not the case. You will need to be more creative.
What makes someone a great lover?
It’s hard to answer this question due to the varying sexual preferences of people. Some prefer to have sex several times a day or for hours. On the other hand, some people have low libidos or prefer to have quickies.
There are certain characteristics that can make a person an ideal lover. To determine which ones to look for, we’ll take a look at them below.
1. Selflessness
Both partners should feel good about sex and intimacy. A good lover knows that it’s not just about his pleasure, as it’s a two-way street.
They know that their partner requires their indulgence, which is why they reciprocate in kind. They are selfless and won’t just take from their partner.
2. Matched libido
If one desires to have sex every day, and the other desires to have sex twice a month, then they both believe that the other is a bad lover, and they have to be in sync. A good lover always tries to be in sync with his partner.
3. Matched sexual tastes
A person should have matched sexual preferences with their partner. If one is partial to missionary positions, but the other prefers BDSM or kink, then that’s not a good fit.
Both partners will associate the other with being a bad lover. Having the same sexual preferences can help improve your connection.
4. Willing to take direction
A good lover is someone who is selfless and enjoys giving pleasure to his partner. Because of this, they are willing to listen to and pay attention to their partner’s desires and body language during intercourse.
They also ask their partner about their preferences and what they don’t like. They try to satisfy their partner’s needs.
5. Good communicator
You must talk to your partner in order to determine what they like. Although you can try to read their body language, you might misinterpret it. Therefore, you must make clear communication with your partner and ask them about their sexual preferences.
A certified sex therapist can also help couples develop their relationship by encouraging them to start expressing their feelings and thoughts. This will allow them to improve their connection.
6. Passionate
You may have heard the term “dead fish” as an expression referring to a partner who is not passionate.
A good lover exhibits both desire and passion for their partner. They can make them feel desired and sexy even before or after having sex.
7. Confident
We want our partners to be confident about their bodies and their skills when it comes to being lovers.
Being confident in one’s appearance is sexy. A person who is insecure about their physique is not as appealing as one who is satisfied with theirs. A good lover will not hide their pleasure and will embrace their partner’s body.
How to be a better lover and blow their mind
You’ll need to take notes as this is a long list. Although you may believe that you are a pretty good lover, the reality is that there is still room for improvement. Here are some steps to improving yourself and blowing your partner’s mind.
1. Hygiene matters
People tend to like having sex with individuals who are clean. Although it’s not like you’re dirty, you can still ignite the fire by giving an old bush a good trim or using coconut oil as your vaseline replacement.
Have you ever seen someone who just emerged from the shower? They appear to be fresh and new.
2. Circle of trust
Being afraid of being judged is a common issue that most people experience when trying new things with their partner. For instance, you may want to experiment with bringing whipped cream into the room, but you’re worried that your partner might find it offensive.
Having sex is about trusting each other and feeling safe about expressing your thoughts and feelings. If you’re not feeling this, then search for somebody new.
3. Communication
Although you may believe that you and your partner have a good sex life, there are still key communication points that need to be resolved. For instance, your partner may not like it when you touch their nipples, yet you still do it.
If they don’t tell you what’s good and what’s bad, then you don’t know. Being a better lover requires you and your partner to communicate what’s good and what’s not so good.
4. Keep it fresh
If you’re only interested in having sex in missionary, then it’s time to try new positions. Doing so will allow you to experience different types of sex.
Although you don’t have to go all the way to the “Kama Sutra,” you can still experiment with new positions and see what works for both of you.
5. You don’t have to speed it up
People expect it to be hard and fast, but they will get more excited if you slow it down.
6. No pressure
It’s not necessary to exert pressure to become better lovers. For instance, many women find it hard to master the cowgirl position. Instead, practice and improve yourself.
7. Know the basics
There are many basic skills that people can learn in order to improve their sex lives. For instance, how to give a French kiss and how to eat a woman out.
A strong foundation is important in order to be a better lover. It will allow you to build on what you’ve already learned and improve on it.
8. Get out of your head
People tend to get self-conscious during sex with others. They may be worried about their thighs or the appearance of their face.
They are not paying attention to your moaning or the rolls under your arms. You are making them horny, and they are not interested in anything else.
9. Make time for lovemaking
Being a better lover requires dedicating time to your partner. Even if you’re working, you might feel tired. But, you must prioritize intimacy, and it’s important to be dedicated to your partner.
10. Surprise them
If they showed up at work for a quickie, or if they were in the car and suddenly got fingered or a blowjob because you were impatiently waiting for the ride home, then everyone would love it.
Surprise them without spending a lot of money on a vacation. Instead, enjoy doing something in the present.
11. Bring out the toys
You’re not restricted to missionary position anymore, and you can still use various toys. Some of these include anal beads, vibrators, and butt plugs.
We’ll be going to the store or browsing through the internet and picking something that you both will find fun to try.
12. Role-play
One of the most popular suggestions that people come up with is to try playing a role-playing game. This is a fun way to introduce new people to the bedroom, and it can also help you develop your acting skills.
Role-playing allows you to select your own character and have fun.
13. Focus on foreplay
It is important to remember foreplay, as individuals often forget it. If you’re just having sex without foreplay, it’s not fun. If you want to be a better lover, then focus on foreplay.
Get to know your partner’s body by exploring it. Doing so will allow you to discover new things about them.
14. Exercise
One of the most important things that you should consider when it comes to being a better lover is taking care of yourself. You may not have thought of this before, but it is crucial.
Getting active can help prevent various sexual issues, such as erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness. It can also improve your cardiovascular health, allowing you to maintain a steady and reliable sexual performance.
People don’t want to have sex for five minutes every night. That’s why, if you’re feeling exhausted after two minutes, you should head to the gym.
15. Try almost everything once
Unless it’s something that you feel unsafe with, don’t be closed-minded. Instead, try new things with your partner.
Try new things and talk to your partner about it. This will allow you to see what works for both of you.
16. Don’t take it seriously
Satisfying one’s sexual desires is not considered a serious matter. One’s desire is to be able to have fun and relax whenever one accidentally elbows or farts their partner. Unfortunately, many people tend to get overwhelmed by their emotions and lack of control resulting in them forgetting to relax.
If you’re not able to have fun with your partner, then sex won’t be as enjoyable.
17. Make some noise
Listening to low whispers and gasps while talking to your partner in bed is one of the most sensual things you can experience. Making noise can also let them know that you enjoy what they’re doing.
One of the most important factors that you can consider when it comes to having fun with your partner is being able to listen to their breathing. Doing so will allow both of you to have more pleasure.
18. Don’t stick to the bed
Although having sex on the bed can be relaxing, take it with you whenever you feel like it. While having sex in a kitchen or a bathroom may seem sexy initially, it may not always be the most enjoyable idea after a while.
One of the best ways to keep the changes easy is by creating new ways to keep the excitement going.
You can have sex on the couch or in the living room while watching porn or playing sex games. You can also pull the curtains back a bit so that you can have sex by the window.
Instead of trying new things, try doing something that you’ve always wanted to do. Doing so will allow you to have fun while still maintaining the same level of enjoyment.
19. Have different types of sex
The repetitive nature of sex can be felt by both partners as time goes on.
Having sex without the bed can help reawaken your desire. However, it’s also possible to take it to the next level by exploring new ways to make it more sensual.
A lot of the acts that you can indulge in with your partner can result in lasting sexual memories. Talking about them while having sex may make you feel horny, so read on to learn more about the different kinds of sex.
20. Slip in a quickie now and then
There are plenty of ways to have fun without the need for elaborate sex acts. Sometimes, forcing yourself to have sex in order to make it last forever can be a turning point.
If you’re experiencing a slump in sex, then try to deal with it by developing new ways to make it more fun.
Even if you’re not in the market for a new sexual toy, try to have sex occasionally without the need for a lot of time. Having sex for a few minutes can make you feel like you’re craving more.
You may also try changing the time of your sexual encounter. For example, you can have sex at night instead of in the morning.
Although having quick sex may seem selfish, it can actually help both of you desire more.
21. Your partner’s orgasm before yours
If you want to have sex consistently all the time, then make sure that you’re focused on your partner’s pleasure. Having sex without telling your partner that you’re getting close to reaching the sky is not acceptable.
Communicating with each other and letting both of you know how long you want it to last can prepare both parties for an amazing ending.
You should always consider your partner’s orgasm first. Having great sex involves appreciating each other’s satisfaction, which is why it’s important to communicate in bed and have orgasm together.
22. Go out and have fun!
Although you may think that going out has nothing to do with having sex, it actually does. Having sex while you’re at home can make you feel less excited.
Although having sex may feel good, it’s important to take the time to improve the quality of the experience. Doing so can make it more exciting and maintain a healthy relationship.
One weekend after you have some time on your hands, try going out with your partner to a nightclub. Everyone knows that this type of establishment is full of sex, yet no one is actually having sex there.
This type of establishment can make you feel very sexually excited because it has various body parts that are grazing against one another. There are also instances of careless touching and staring.
You can expect to be horny in this type of environment, as every sexual activity you do with your partner will only intensify your desire. You could do it at home, but being surrounded by an overwhelming amount of lust will make you feel more excited.
You’ll be bringing the same excitement home once you get back to your bed.
How to have great sex life
As the years go by, the excitement in your relationship starts to wane. The mind begins to explore new ways to bring it back.
You should always try to find new ways to bring the excitement of the first sexual contact back into your bedroom.
We’ll talk about some of the key factors that will help you become a better lover for your partner.
1. Check in with your lover throughout the experience
Although it’s easy to get distracted by your own pleasure, it’s important to make sure that you’re still in touch with your partner.
Sex is considered a two-way street so it’s important that both of you are enjoying it. One of the only ways to make sure that both of you are enjoying it is by constantly checking in with each other.
2. Show your partner appreciation in and out of the bedroom
Everyone appreciates being loved. Being sexually loved is no different. In addition to being appreciated, your partner should also be thanked for doing something that feels good.
Aside from being appreciated, it’s also important that you’re also showing your partner how you’re feeling. If you’re not a good partner, then your partner might not be able to enjoy sex because they’ll be focused on your selfish behavior.
3. Embrace awkwardness even when things go awry
There are times when sex can feel like it doesn’t go the way that you want it to. However, don’t be worried because it can happen to everyone. Instead, embrace it and have fun with it.
4. Try to stay mindful at the moment
It can be hard to maintain a level of awareness during prolonged sexual encounters. Nevertheless, try to remain focused on the present and not feel disconnected.
To become a better lover in bed, avoid focusing on other matters. Also, make sure that you pay attention to your partner’s body language.
5. Take the focus away from the end goal
You know that orgasms are a great feeling, so naturally you’ll focus on achieving this goal.
However, when it comes to sex, orgasms are not the only definition of what it means. While orgasms may only last a few seconds, the whole experience can last for a long time.
6. Stop feeling embarrassed
People tend to lack confidence in their own lives. This feeling can also affect their sexual experiences.
Some individuals feel embarrassed about what they’re doing or not doing in bed. If you’re feeling embarrassed about what you’re doing or not doing, don’t worry. Your partner will want to have sex with you, otherwise, they wouldn’t be here.
7. Ask your partner what they need when it’s over
Some people prefer to talk or cuddle after having sex, while others prefer to get up and do something else. Ask your partner what they want to do following sex.
If it’s not what you want, try to think about your partner’s needs instead.
Being a better lover starts outside the bedroom
Although you may believe that being a better lover involves only sex, this is not the case. In addition to the bedroom, you also have to be a good partner and lover outside of it.
1. Make new memories
You and your partner can still be open to new experiences and memories in spite of the length of your relationship.
During the start of a new relationship, it’s easy to get carried away by the excitement of the relationship. However, it’s also important to maintain the passion for your partner no matter how long you’ve been together.
2. Change the scenery
Sex may not be immune to the routine in life, as people may get into ruts. By changing up the scenery, you and your partner can elevate your sexual encounters.
Take a romantic getaway, get in touch with your partner, or take a dance class to enhance the special bond between you two. Focus on the best and be receptive to new experiences.
3. Flirt with your partner
One of the most exciting parts of being in a new relationship is the flirting that occurs between two people. This can happen as early as before you start dating.
You and your partner should spice things up by flirting. This will let them know how much you want them and how sexy they are.
4. Ask questions
Even though you may believe that you already know your partner, there’s always something new to discover. Ask your partner about anything that interests you.
It could be about the current state of affairs in the world or whether or not aliens are in existence. Talking to your significant other outside of the bedroom can help you understand what’s going on in your relationship.
5. Cultivate a stronger physical connection
There are many physical activities you can do outside of the bedroom to establish a stronger connection with your partner.
Show affection by either spanking them on the butt, holding their hand, or cuddling. Physical touch can help build a stronger connection, even before you have sex.
6. Don’t be lazy about your relationship
Many people think that after a long-term relationship, they’re no longer required to “try” anymore. They may believe that they can just coast along.
Being lazy and complacent in your love life can negatively affect a partner’s desire and attraction. It’s not acceptable to be lazy, and nobody thinks that it’s an attractive quality. One must put in the effort in order to be a good lover.
7. Work on yourself first
Being a good lover requires you to be respectful and love yourself. This means that you may have to work on yourself.
To be a good lover, you must start living your life in a way that is conducive to being yourself. This includes getting in shape, eating right, and going to the gym. You can’t just wear a ragged t-shirt when you’re on a date with a partner. Instead, become the person that you are meant to be.
There are many ways to be a better lover, and you don’t need to learn the Kama Sutra to do so. Just be willing to try new things and put in the effort.